Thursday Thought: No One Has Any Responsibility To See My Value

Working on confidence has been really eye-opening to me. I’ve realized that I have confident thoughts in different situations and around different people. It’s funny how I’ll mostly believe a confident thought, but then I want someone else to validate to me that it really is true. Like many people, I’ve turned to outside sources to validate that I’m of worth. There are a lot of marriage books that recommend that we validate our spouse. I used to show them to Steve, and painstakingly try to explain to him how to validate me. I thought if he validated me, then I would feel better. But it didn’t work. I’d accuse him of lying, of just saying what I told him to say! I don’t think it’s bad to validate your spouse, the problem comes when you NEED that validation, or you won’t believe your own thoughts about your worth.

I love the thought, “No one has any responsibility to see my value.” It’s so freeing!  It’s so nice to not be constantly trying to get others to see my value, but to let them see what they want to see and think what they want to think. If they see it, that’s great for them because they get to feel nice feelings. If they don’t, no problem, because I’m not waiting for them to validate it. I’m already doing that for myself.

Is this a good thought for you? Try it on and let me know.

I Can Help You With Your Problem!

I am back from coach training at The Life Coach School.  As part of my practicum to become a Certified Life and Weight Coach, I am offering 5 free sessions of coaching to anyone interested. What problems would you like coaching on? Do you want to lose weight? Do you have a relationship that you want to improve? Do you want more money? Do you want to get started on a goal that you keep putting off? I can help you with that! Go to my website emergingbravely.com and sign-up for some free coaching.

Thursday Thought: I Know What To Do

Since I’ve been working on confidence this month my go-to thought is “I know what to do”. I sincerely believe this. I believe we all have inner wisdom that helps us be our best selves.

When I’m making decisions, even seemingly split-second decisions, oftentimes I find myself wondering what other people would do, or what other people think I should do. When I think the thought, “I know what to do,” I go inside and tap into my inner wisdom to make the decision. I find that I really DO know what to do. I don’t get so caught up wondering if I’m wrong, or if someone else would know better. Deep down inside I know I can handle making mistakes, and it doesn’t matter if someone would do it better. They’re not doing it. I am. The only way I can do it is my way.

Do you have a thought that helps you tap into your inner wisdom? If so, comment and tell me about it.

Processing Emotion

Today I want to tell you about a tool that is so intriguing to me. I’ve written before about how emotions are just sensations created by our brains. When we think thoughts our brains release chemicals into our bodies that create emotions. Some of these emotions feel good so we call them positive emotions. Other emotions feel pretty uncomfortable so we call them negative emotions. When we resist emotions then they get stronger. Most of the time we think we’re feeling our emotions when we’re really ignoring them or resisting them. When you really feel your emotions they get less and less intense, until they’re gone. Sometimes they’ll come back in waves, but they get less intense each time.

Processing your emotions means to find where in your body you’re feeling it. Describe it’s colour, temperature, speed (fast or slow), shape, consistency, texture, and anything else you notice about it. This may sound strange at first, but when you do it, it’s so fascinating to see that you really can describe it.

This morning I processed some fear. It was a red hot burning. It was fast and kind of like a flat furry rectangle. The fur was like the texture of insulation, sharp. I just sat in it for a few minutes. Then it slowly dissipated. I can see why I avoid that feeling sometimes. It doesn’t feel very good. But it went away faster than when I ignore it.

Try processing one of your emotions right now. Comment and let me know how it goes.

Thursday Thought: Maybe I’m Wrong

Our brains are wired to want to be right. Even if there’s a lot of evidence that we may be wrong, our brains will ignore a lot of it. That’s why this thought can be such a relief sometimes. Think of the last time you were trying to convince someone that you were right. Even if you were just “defending” your position. How did you feel? Defensiveness doesn’t feel very good. What if you were willing to be wrong? What if you just accepted that, “Maybe I’m wrong about this.” How would you feel?

What this thought does for me is open me up to listening. When I’m so sure that I’m right, I totally close down to any other possibilities. Just because I think this thought doesn’t mean that I’ll change my position, but I’m open to listening to other possibilities.

How does this thought feel to you? All of these thoughts that I put on the blog will resonate differently with different people, so you just get to try it on and see how it makes you feel. Sometimes even just tweeking it a little will change the feel for you. How does, “I’m willing to be wrong” feel? Or “It’s okay if I’m wrong about this”?

Confidence

This month I’m working on confidence. I wouldn’t say I’m a naturally confident person. I used to think that if I was good at something then I’d be confident. But then I noticed that even when I was more skilled at something than someone else, oftentimes they were more confident than me.

Brooke Castillo taught me that confidence is an emotion. It’s not a way of being. The great news is that our emotions come from our thoughts, not our actions, and thoughts are all optional. That means I can choose thoughts that make me feel confident. What thoughts do you think that make you feel confident? Did you know you can think those thoughts whenever you want?

Thursday Thought: I Just Love The Humans

To go along with The Manual from Tuesday, we so often are upset when people don’t behave the way we think they should. We have lots of ideas of how people should be. Sometimes I like to just think of us all as humans. We’re all on the same team, the Human Team. We’re all just stumbling through life trying to figure it out. We’re unique and quirky and make lots of mistakes.

When you’re having a hard time with someone try this thought, “I just love the humans.” We’re all human. No one is a monster. They’re just a human.

The Manual

Have you ever bought a new microwave? Did you see the manual? It’s huge! Would you ever read it? The nice thing about a manual is it’s super detailed. If you want to know how to do anything with your microwave, it’s in the manual, in detail. However, if you wanted to know how to use your dishwasher, it wouldn’t do you any good to read the manual for your microwave.

We all have manuals for the people in our lives. Guess what, they’re usually just as detailed as the manual for your microwave. Just like the manual for the microwave, we don’t usually even know what’s in it unless we really think about it. We also very rarely share our manual with the person it’s for. We have all of these ideas of how they should act and think, and then we feel disappointed, angry, annoyed when they are thinking and acting that way.

The other problem with holding onto our manual is that people aren’t appliances. They’re not all made alike. They’re individual. They have their own thoughts and feelings and ideas of who they want to be and how they want to act. Our manual wasn’t written from how they are, it’s written from how we think they should be.

If you really want to love someone and get to know who they really are, throw your manual out the window, and get curious about the person in front of you.

Who triggers you the most? How would your relationship change if you threw out your manual of who they SHOULD be, and observed who they really were from a place of curiosity?