Thursday Thought: Enough Is A Decision, Not An Amount

My brain has been feeding me the thought lately of, “I’m not good enough.” This thought seems to be pretty universal. But the cool thing about thought work is knowing that it’s JUST a thought. It’s not true or false. Usually, if it’s a thought that comes to you a lot, it’s because it’s a thought that you believe is somewhat true. Usually the thoughts we don’t believe at all just pass on by.

So, I’ve been thinking this thought a lot, and it makes me feel insecure. Well, my friend told me this thought, “Enough is a decision, not an amount.” When she first told me, I was thinking of it in terms of doing things. Which is still really helpful. But then I applied it to just who I am. I get to decide that I’m enough.

Running a 10k, or starting a business, or weighing a certain amount, or having 10 kids, or having kids that are smart, or being pretty doesn’t make me enough. I just decide I’m enough.

Sometimes when things turn out the way we want to, then we give ourselves permission to believe we’re enough. But those things didn’t make us enough, our thoughts make us feel like we’re enough. No matter if we make money, our kids are smart or struggle, we have no kids or 25 kids, we weigh 100 pounds or 500 pounds. We get to believe we’re enough whenever we want. And no one has to agree with us.

How many times have you heard your friend say, “I’m just not good enough,” and you’re like, “What?! You who are skinny and nice and pretty and talented and don’t yell at your kids. Tell me what makes you not good enough.” Their brains will focus on some evidence of how they’re not perfect in some way, just like your brain is focusing on evidence of why you’re not perfect. Good enough doesn’t mean perfect. It also doesn’t mean you won’t improve. In fact, good enough means you’re not perfect. It means you’re enough, imperfections and all.

So, just decide you’re good enough, right now, before you reach your goal, while your kids are struggling, while you’re struggling.

Comment and tell me how you’re good enough right now, even though you’re not perfect.

Drowning

I love that sketch by Jim Gaffigan: 4 Kids. “Do you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth (kid)? Just imagine you’re drowning, and then someone hands you a baby.”

I have two kids, and I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to have 4 kids to feel like you’re drowning. You can have one child and feel like you’re drowning. I used to have these really unhelpful thoughts like, “My mom had 8 kids and she was amazing. I can’t even cut it with only 2.” I think you all know this, but comparison is the killer of joy. I just want to say in this post, if you feel like you’re drowning, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or your life. You’re just a human having a human experience. The only reason you feel like you’re drowning is because of what you’re believing about you and your life. EVERYTHING you’re believing is optional. You may tell me you have a ton of evidence that it’s true. But pick one thing, turn it around to the opposite and then tell me a reason why that is just as true. It’s there.

If you feel like you’re drowning, send me a message, and I’d love to chat with you. I’m in the middle of writing a program specifically for you. I can help you! You don’t have to feel this way forever. And you don’t have to give up your kids, although you can if you want to. 😉

Seriously, send me a message or sign-up for a free mini-session. It’s like a free sample at Costco. It’s amazing how even just one 30 minute session can help. And I’ll tell you how you can work with me more if you want to know, but you’re more than welcome to just enjoy the help you get from the one mini-session. There IS hope, I promise!

Thursday Thought: Everything Is Going To Be Fine…

This thought helps me get out of that space of “everything is all wrong”.  I experience all of these things I write about. Sometimes I’m a huge mess. The other day was one of those days. Everything felt like it was never going to be okay. A friend offered me this thought, but added on the end…that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE; THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT WILL BE EASY.

And somehow, that’s okay. It’s just enough to know that it’s going to be fine. I’ll just keep doing one thing at a time. If things don’t go the way I expect or want, it’s still going to be fine.

What are you dealing with right now? How is it true that it’s going to be fine, even if it’s not easy?

When Everything Is All Wrong

You’re worried about your child’s health. There’s not enough money in the bank. You overate. again. You blew up at your husband. again. Your lesson for church isn’t coming together. You feel like the heavens are closed. You’re pretty sure you’re messing your kids up. Your friend cancelled your girls’ night. And seriously why does everyone in your family need to eat dinner every.single.night.

What if I told you you’re right on track? This just means that you’re trying to do something hard or different and your brain is trying to talk you out of it. “But I’m not working on anything right now.” You say to me. Are you sure? Think about it. What have you been trying to progress at, or do differently recently? Your brain is just feeding you negative thoughts to try to get you to zone out, watch Netflix, and eat candy.

Now that you’re onto your brain, what DO you want to think about what is going on in your life? Do you want to think that everything has gone wrong? Or do you want to think that everything is going just the way it’s supposed to, and see how it’s helping you grow and become more of who you want to be?

Thursday Thought: I’m Willing To Figure This Out No Matter What

On Monday, I asked you, “What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?” So you get your answer, and you try it out, but it doesn’t work. Then what do you do? Most of us give up. We have thoughts like, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” “I shouldn’t have tried.”  It’s like running a race, and just sitting down when we realize we’re not going to come in first. Life isn’t a race, but we do this with everything from problems our kids are going through, losing weight, any sort of goal we set.

What if you didn’t give up? What if you were willing to try again, every.single.time? What if you were willing to fail over and over again until you succeeded?

When there’s something you really want to do, try on the thought, “I’m willing to figure this out no matter what.”

When You Don’t Know What To Do

Earlier I wrote a post about how, “I don’t know,” is always a lie. For awhile, whenever my kids would tell me, “I don’t know.” I would ask them, “If you did know, what would you say?” They started revolting a little, so I stopped asking the question as often. Then the other day, my son asked me a question. Honestly, I wasn’t paying very close attention, but it was some informational question that I didn’t know the actual answer to. When I nonchalantly told him, “I don’t know.” He asked, with a smile on his face, “If you did know, what would you say?” I laughed and totally guessed the answer, and told him I was totally guessing.

We all have wisdom inside of us, and this is a way to get it out. What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?

Thursday Thought: Nature Never Rushes, Yet Everything Gets Done

To continue from Monday’s post, I love this thought. I heard it when I went on a shinrin yoku walk, which simply put is a walk through nature. We can think of this for ourselves when we’re feeling rushed. But it’s also applicable as parents when we want our kids to learn a skill. Sometimes it feels like they’re never going to get it, and we push, and punish, and we bribe (I mean, I’m sure you never do, but some of us succumb to bribing :)). We’re in a huge rush for them to “get it”.

As I was in the forest I thought of it like we want to go to the beach, so we’re rushing to get ourselves and everyone else ready to go to the beach without realizing that it’s actually Winter. When we get to the beach it’s not anything like we expected because it’s Winter. Then we say, “I did everything I could to make this happen, and it’s not even enjoyable.” But it’s just because we were rushing something that wasn’t the right time. Nature doesn’t just stand still, it just doesn’t do everything at the same time. It has seasons. Even in the Winter when it seems that everything has just stopped, it hasn’t, it’s just going very slowly. What insights do you have about this thought: Nature never rushes, yet everything gets done?

When You Need To Fix The Problem RIGHT NOW

I was up in the middle of the night trying to figure out how to fix a problem we’re having with our kids. It has been going on for 6 years, yet I still have the thought that it needs to be fixed RIGHT NOW. After awhile, I realized I was coming from desperation to get it fixed. Immediately I started trying to fix my thoughts so I could come from a better emotion to fix it. I was desperate to feel better so I could THEN fix the problem. It was interesting to see how I went from desperately trying to change the circumstance, to desperately trying to change my thoughts.

There’s nothing that needs fixed right now. How do you feel when you think it needs to be fixed right now, and it’s not? What kind of action does it give you? For me, it makes me feel desperate. This closes down all of my creativity, and I tend to do extreme things, like empty all of our cupboards and fill them with completely different foods to change our diet, or get rid of all of our screens, or donate half of our toys. Or I do nothing at all; I freeze. Desperation is not a helpful emotion, ever.

There is NOTHING that needs to be taken care of RIGHT NOW, unless it’s a life-or-death situation, which hardly anything is. The problem is almost everything FEELS like a life-or-death situation because that’s how our brains are wired. So just remind yourself that this can take as long as it needs to. Because guess what…it’s going to. It’s like finding something you’ve lost in the last place you look. Of course, because you stop looking once you find it.

What feels urgent to you right now? What will happen if it doesn’t “get taken care of”? And then what? And then what? And then what?

 

Thursday Thought: Everything WILL go exactly how it’s supposed to

Happy New Year’s! Have you made some goals for this year? How are you thinking about 2019?  How are you thinking about your goals? If you’re scared try on this thought, “Everything will go exactly how it’s supposed to.” Then dream big! No matter if you meet your goals, everything will go exactly how it’s supposed to, and you’ll be closer to your dreams than if you never dreamed them at all. Plus, you don’t have to worry about whether or not you “fail”, because everything will go exactly how it’s supposed to. How is that true?