Thursday Thought: I won’t always feel this way

When you have a cold, it’s pretty uncomfortable, but when you know it’s a cold, and nothing more serious, you know it will pass in 5-7 days. Just knowing that it won’t be forever, kind of deflates it, and makes it more bearable.

When I’m having a strong emotion, or a lot of overwhelming emotions, I like to remind myself, “If I don’t resist this, it will pass. I won’t always feel this way.” When we resist feeling the emotions, they get stronger. When we tighten up against them, or push them under the surface, they grow. But when we relax into it, notice how it feels in our bodies, relax our shoulders and breathe into it, it doesn’t last that long.

Even if we resist it, at some point it blows out, or bubbles over. We won’t feel this way forever. For better or worse, our feelings are ever changing.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Make It a Good Day…Or Don’t

When I was in University, I had a boyfriend that instead of saying, “Have a good day!” would say, “Make it a good day!” I understood he was trying to say something like, “Good days don’t just happen, you make them happen.” Which, of course, is a concept that I really believe. However, whenever he would say this, I would think to myself, in a snarky voice, “YOU make it a good day yourself!”

Why did I feel so uptight when he would say this to me? I had this idea that it was kind of like a judgement. I had the ability to make it a good day, and if I didn’t there was something wrong with me.

Have you ever felt that way? Like, “good people are happy, and I’m not happy, so I must not be good”. Or maybe it sounds like this, “Good moms are happy, and I’m not happy, so I must not be a good mom, or at least the best mom I could be for my kids.”

One day I said to my coach, “It’s just so exhausting trying to be happy all of the time.” She said to me, “What if you didn’t HAVE to be happy all of the time?” What? Why wouldn’t I want to be happy?

Well, it’s a skill. With any other skill, it takes practice and effort. Sometimes we may want to put our effort into being happy when we’re having lots of negative thoughts and need to look at them and change them. Sometimes we may want to put our effort into making dinner, or taking care of our kids, or working on another goal.

Of course, those things are easier when we’re happy, BUT if you had to always be happy to do those things, you’d be spending a lot of your time and effort on being happy, and may not have time and effort left over.

So…make it a good day….or don’t. It doesn’t make you better or worse whatever choice you make. You’re still a worthwhile and very loved and treasured daughter of God EVEN if you choose to feel grumpy, or worried, or scared, overwhelmed all day.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Trust the process

Sometimes we want to get to the end of whatever we’re doing. Right.Now.

We think we’ll feel better on the other side.

So we push harder.

We do more.

We get there faster.

But then we stop and fall apart.

It doesn’t feel like we thought it would.

What if instead of pushing harder, we trusted harder?

What if instead of running faster, we slowed down and looked around?

What if we saw what was good right now?

Then we kept taking one step at-a-time.

That’s what trusting the process looks like.

It’s taking one step at a time, knowing you’ll reach the other side, but also knowing that it’s good right here. right now.

 

P.S. Want some help with finding out why it’s okay to be where you are, so you don’t have to rush so hard to get where you’re going? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

How We Talk to Ourselves

Sometimes we are so mean to ourselves.

We say things like, “Why does your hair look so bad today?”

Or, “Why can’t you be thinner?”

Or “I hate that you yelled at the kids, they’re going to be so traumatized.”

It doesn’t necessarily sound like that in our heads.

It sounds like, “I don’t like my hair.” or “I look fat.” or “I’m a failure.”

If someone else talked to us like that, we wouldn’t want to spend much time with them, if any at all.

What would it look like if you talked to yourself the way you talk to someone you love.

“You look cute today.” or “Thanks for being so nice to me today.”

“Thanks for taking care of my kids today.”

“I know you were tired and irritated, so it means even more that you would stick with it.”

“I know they complained all through dinner, so I wanted you to know that I really appreciate you feeding them.”

“I hope you won’t be too hard on yourself that you lost your temper with the kids. I still love you. I know you’re working on it, and I really appreciate that.”

Notice when you talk to someone you love, you diminish the negative and accentuate the positive.

Speaking kindly to ourselves takes practice. Notice what you wish someone else would say to you, then try saying it to yourself.

I, for one, am glad you are in the world.

P.S. Sign-up for a free one-on-one session and I’ll show you what it looks like to speak kindly to yourself in your specific situation.

Thursday Thought: Just breathe.

I’m thinking of you today.

You who feels like the world is moving too fast and life is too heavy.

You who feels like you can’t quite get your feet under you.

You who feels that life is passing you by without being able to enjoy it.

I say to you, “Just breathe.”

Take a deep breath, and know that it’s going to be okay.

It won’t feel like this forever.

Breathe through this hard time, and you will feel joy in the future.

But it’s okay to not feel joy right now.

You don’t need to feel a certain way, or be a certain way, or do a certain way right now.

Just breathe.

 

P.S. Want to see how coaching can help you? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

Empathy Isn’t About Taking Away The Pain

I taught a class with a fellow coach and friend a little while ago about Empathy. We showed in The Model¬†how empathy is an emotion. Thoughts that lead to empathy are: “I can understand why you would feel that way.” “I have felt that way before.”

It was very intriguing to me, in the class, when one woman gave us an example of something she found difficult. So many of us couldn’t help ourselves but to give her solutions without really understanding HER thoughts and feelings. We were trying to solve her problem with OUR thoughts and feelings.

We were nowhere near the position to be able to help her with her problem. We hadn’t gotten to empathy, yet.

We are empathetic when we listen, ask questions, and really hear THEIR thoughts and feelings, not imagine OUR thoughts and feelings in that situation. Once we REALLY get to empathy, our actions follow easily. Usually, the most helpful thing is to just listen. As humans, once we’ve talked our problems through, we usually have a pretty good idea of what our answer is.

Empathy is being with someone in their pain and struggle, it’s not taking it away.

P.S. The video on the link is an old video. I offer free 45 minute coaching sessions. They’re amazing and will have you seeing clearly what the problem is and what your solution is. Sign-up here if you’re ready to feel better.

 

Thursday Thought: Christ performed the Atonement NOT to free us from our sufferings, but to BE WITH us in our sufferings.

A woman in our ward said this thought in her talk the other week. It has been so profound to me, especially in thinking about empathy. Sometimes we go to people, or to God and ask them to take away our pain. That’s like going to the doctor and asking her to cut off our broken arm because it hurts. Sometimes that’s the answer, but most often the answer is to set it and let it heal.

It’s okay to suffer. In fact, suffering helps us become stronger, someone who can more easily have empathy for someone else, someone who appreciates happiness and peace more. It’s not comfortable. But it’s okay.

Nothing in life is about the end result. It’s about the growing we go through to get there. It’s not about having the pain of the broken arm go away; it’s about the broken arm healing. The pain going away is just a by-product.

How is Christ with us in our sufferings even when He doesn’t fully take it away?

How can we be with others in their sufferings without having to take it away?

 

P.S. If you like what you’re reading, you’d love being coached. Just one session can open your eyes to your life in a totally new way, and it’s free! Sign-up for a free session of coaching and see how it will change your life.

We Aren’t Meant to Suffer Alone

A woman in our ward gave a talk on Easter about Christ. She said, “Christ performed the Atonement NOT to FREE us from our sufferings, but to BE WITH us in our sufferings.”

In the depths of depression, I remember praying so hard, “Please take this from me. I can’t handle it anymore.” But He didn’t. I got up from the prayer feeling just as depressed as before. My heart was softened, though, to share my suffering with someone else. It didn’t go away, but I found reassurance that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I wasn’t somehow broken.

I don’t think we are meant to suffer alone. Sometimes we may open up to someone hoping they can make us feel better, and then when they don’t, because they can’t, we feel disappointed and broken. Let me offer, though, that you open up to someone, not so they can free you from your suffering, but just so you don’t have to suffer alone.

As a coach, I can’t take away your suffering, but I can teach you tools, that will help you end your own suffering. I can also be with you and listen. Sign-up for a free coaching session here. But if you don’t sign-up, find someone to share your suffering with, not someone to take it away, but someone to share it with.

Thursday Thought: ALL the adults are making it up

When I was a kid, I was excited to be an adult and really know what I’m doing. Then I became an adult, and I realized I don’t know what I’m doing. However, I imagined that everyone around me had life mostly figured out. They seemed confident. Of course, I realized there were some things they were figuring out, but they seemed confident in figuring it out.

My friend said to me the other day, “You know what I realized? ALL of the adults are just making it up.” It totally blew my mind. It’s so true! We all feel confident in some areas, and we all have areas where we don’t feel quite as confident. But even when we feel confident about something, we’re still just deciding to be confident. Confidence comes from our thoughts.

So, if you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re just getting by day-to-day. Just know that…ALL of us adults are just making it up. That’s the fun of being an adult, and sometimes the scary of being an adult.

If you don’t like what you’re making up, and you’d like some help to make up something different, or to feel confident about it, sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session where I’ll teach you how to create your life on purpose.