Thursday Thought: Maybe it’s supposed to be challenging.

Life is challenging. Can I get an ‘Amen’? I feel like there’s a lot of marketing telling us that it doesn’t need to be challenging. That we deserve to have it easy and fun.

This really feeds into how our brains naturally function. Two of its main goals are to expend the least amount of energy and seek pleasure.

I’m all for trying to make things easier and more enjoyable. But the biggest problem I see is when things in our lives feel really hard, heavy, and uncomfortable we think something has gone wrong, or we’re doing something wrong.

We think, “This isn’t fair.” or “If I could just be better, this wouldn’t be so hard.”

What if those thoughts just weren’t true? What if “this” situation, whatever it is for you or me, IS supposed to be challenging for YOU or ME.

What if it was okay that it was challenging? What if we were like a soccer player, who was used to being the best player on her team, but now she’s been moved to a better team? Now is supposed to be challenging, and it’s okay.

Don’t listen to your brain when it tells you there’s something wrong because it’s difficult. For sure, don’t listen to the lie that if you were somehow better or different that “this” wouldn’t be challenging.

Maybe it’s okay if “this” is challenging.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I’m always just a little wrinkly

I was clothes shopping with a friend, and I asked her how she would keep a jumper I was trying on non-wrinkly. Would she really iron it all of the time? She said, “Oh no, I’m just always a little wrinkly.”

A few days later, I was noticing myself feeling so down about all of my perceived short-comings, and this thought came to me, “I’m just always a little wrinkly.” It came to me in her tone of voice that said, “I love your wrinkles. You are just fine. You aren’t meant to be pristine and perfectly ironed. This life is all about having wrinkles and loving them, and loving other people’s wrinkles too. We’re all just a little bit wrinkly.”

I hope you can love your wrinkles today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Maybe Happiness Isn’t the Goal

There’s this song that has always made me feel a little uneasy. It says, “Choose the right way, and be happy, I must always choose the right.” As I type this, I realize there are many ways to interpret that thought. But this is an example of what I was talking about on Monday when I said that one thought does not fit everyone.

The way my brain interprets this song is that if you do what is “right”, you will feel happy. This is a dangerous thought for a lot of us, because then if we don’t feel happy, we tell ourselves we must be doing something wrong.

The problem is that happiness doesn’t come from our actions. Happiness comes from our thoughts. You can do everything “right” and still feel unhappy because of your thoughts about it.

What if happiness isn’t the goal? What if we stopped using how happy we are as an indicator of how moral we are, or how well we’re doing at life? What if the goal were actually to feel all ranges of emotion….happy, sad, anxious, depressed, loving, dislike, emotional, excited? What if you’re doing it “right” when you feel all of these things?

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I get to believe whatever I want to about myself

What do you think about yourself? I want you to get a piece of paper and write down the story you believe about yourself.

Your brain is going to tell you that this story is true. I want to offer to you that it is just a story. Think about a woman that stays in an abusive relationship because she tells herself that she doesn’t deserve any better. Is her story true? Of course not. Of course she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

Did you know you get to believe whatever you want to about yourself? I give you permission right now. 

Now write the story you WANT to believe about yourself. What if it’s possible that this story is just as true as your original story? I’m telling you it is. Right now. Tell me how it is already true.
P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: He won’t let me miss the warning

On Monday I posted about an experience I had about wondering whether a “warning” was the Spirit speaking to me, or if it was my thoughts. Check it out if you’re interested. My go-to thought in this situation is, “He won’t let me miss the warning.”

I believe that if there is anything that would change my life, or anyone I have responsibility for, in an irreparable way, Heavenly Father will make sure I know He is talking to me. He is in charge. We are like children who think we’re doing all of the work of making dinner when we pour the water into the rice pot.

If my kids were in danger that day, and if I was supposed to go pick them up early, I believe Heavenly Father would have made sure I knew He was talking to me, especially as I was trying to be in-tune. This puts my mind at ease, and helps me trust the impressions I get, and gives me space to learn how to recognize the Spirit more clearly. What thoughts help you recognize the Spirit in your life?

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I’m the best one to take care of me

On Monday I shared how sometimes we want to blame others for our suffering.

If they would just say they loved me.

If they would just accept me the way I am.

If they would just support me in the things I want to do.

If they would just clean up after themselves.

When my brain gives me these thoughts and tells me I would feel better if someone else would change, I remind myself, “I’m the best one to take care of me.”

If I want someone to love me…I’m the best one to love me.

If I want someone to accept me…I’m the best one to accept me.

If I want someone to support me in the things I’m doing…I’m the best one to do that.

I’m also the best one to clean up after myself.

Think about what you wish someone else would say or do. Then you do or say it. Then thank yourself for being that one.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Just because I don’t see, doesn’t mean it’s not there

My coach, Jody Moore, likes to say that confidence isn’t thinking you’re great. Confidence is knowing that you’re great, and you’re not great.

I think this is so powerful to notice about myself AND others. Our human brains like to compare ourselves and each other. We like to kind of decide who’s higher and who’s lower. You’ve heard the phrase, “put her on a pedestal” or “look up to her”.

Ezra Taft Benson gave an amazing sermon on pride. He says that pride isn’t just looking down on someone else. It’s looking UP at someone else, also.

Pride keeps us from confidence. If we think we’re better or somehow less than someone else, we can’t really love ourselves or them.

Just because I don’t see someone else’s struggle, or someone else’s amazingness doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just because I don’t see my own struggle, or my own amazingness, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thoughts: We don’t obey commandments, we obey The Commander

How many times have you heard or said the phrase, “Obey the commandments,”? How do you feel when you think that thought? For some people it’s not a problem, but for some of us, it feels very restrictive, and almost like we’re in trouble.

I was watching an episode of Don’t Miss This (check it out if you want help on how to teach your family from the New Testament) and Dave Butler said, “We don’t obey the commandments; we obey The Commander.”

Have you ever had a really big goal like running a marathon? Or for some of us…running a 5k? Obviously, we all KNOW how to run a marathon. You put on your running shoes and you run 26.2 miles.

We also know that if you’ve never run, it’s pretty much impossible to just go run a marathon. You have to start small. Run a little bit. Maybe even walk a little bit, then jog, then run. It looks different for all of us, depending on what you’ve already been doing. It also looks different at different times in our lives. Ten years ago, I was running 5 miles. Right now, I can run down the street.

The two great commandments are to Love God and Love Your Neighbour As Yourself. Are we trying to obey these commandments, or are we turning to the Commander and asking for specific instructions on who to love and how to love them, or how to love Him?

The two great commandments are like running a marathon. Heavenly Father is our personal trainer. He’s not going to take us out to the road and say, “See you in 26.2 miles.” He’s not even going to take us out to the road and say, “I’ll see you at mile 5, 10, 15, and 26.” He takes us to the road and says, “Today we’re going to walk around the block together.” Maybe that looks like, “Today we’re going to say ‘hi’ to that person that is hard for you to love right now.”

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help on how to feel better. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Imperfections do not make us inadequate, they make us human

Raise your hand if you feel like your imperfections make you inadequate. I’m not talking about little imperfections, the ones we don’t mind so much sharing with others. I’m talking imperfections that bring you shame. This will be different for everyone, but here are a few that I have or have heard from my clients:

I yell at my kids.

I don’t pray and read my scriptures every day (or week…or month…)

My child hasn’t learned…how to read…regulate his/her emotions…use the potty…make friends…anything we think, if we had taught them effectively, they would have learned by now. (Notice how this isn’t even about us, but we make it mean there’s something wrong with us.)

I don’t like having sex with my husband.

I’ve gained 30 pounds in the last 6 months.

I gossip about my family.

It goes like this, “I (insert imperfection that causes shame), therefore, I’m not a fit human being.”

Try, “I (imperfection), therefore, I AM a human being.” Welcome.

Let’s remind ourselves and each other, “Imperfections don’t make us inadequate; they make us human.” Remember that’s why we needed Jesus Christ. It’s all part of The Plan.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Everything is going to be okay

You know those times when you feel despair? Despair that you’ll never feel good again? Despair that you’re beyond hope? One of the thoughts that puts me in that kind of despair is, “I can’t do this.” “This” could be anything from raising kids, being a wife, losing weight, being a ‘good’ person.

Do you know what thought puts you in that kind of despair, where the world feels so heavy, you’re not sure you can even get out of bed?

One of my go-to thoughts in this kind of situation is, “Everything is going to be okay.” It’s like that quote from Patel in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not yet the end.”

It’s just enough hope to get me to take one step in front of the other. I’m not running or flying. I trust that everything will be okay. And it doesn’t have to be okay today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!