How to Make a Decision About the Coming School Year

Decisions don’t take weeks to make. They take a split-second. However, we often add a lot of time to our decision-making before and after the decision is made.

Here are 4 steps to minimize the stress of making a decision:

1-Give yourself a deadline, the sooner the better. You want to have just enough time to do meaningful research, but not enough time to get lost in the minutia of information and every other person’s opinion. It just adds confusion.

2-Trust your intuition. We have so much information, so many opinions at our fingertips, that it’s really difficult to hear our own heart and mind. Be still. What are your heart and mind telling you? I would spend as much time, if not more,  writing down your own thoughts and feelings about the decision than time researching other people’s thoughts and feelings.  One tip: when you’re trying to hear your heart and mind, check to make sure it is YOUR heart and mind, and not your dad’s voice, your friend’s voice, or someone else’s. Take slow deep breaths, thank the voices, and then quiet them to hear your own.

3-Promise to be kind to yourself, no matter the outcome. One of the reasons it can be so scary to make decisions is because we know if things don’t go the way we had planned, we are going to berate ourselves on the other side. You are a human, doing your best, and that is good enough. When things don’t go the way you planned, you can decide they went the way they were supposed to. Really challenge your brain to see how that is true.

4-Give yourself another deadline. Once you’ve made your decision, stand by it for a certain period of time. For example: we will do distance learning until January, then reassess. When your brain wants to question your decision (which it will), remind your brain you are not entertaining the decision again until January. 

I have full faith in you that you’ll make a decision that will give you the exact experiences you and your child need at this time.

 

P.S. Are you overwhelmed as a mom? Click here to get a free course on How to Stop the Overwhelm. Feel more in control of your life today.

 

Overwhelmed by the World’s Problems?

It’s really easy to get overwhelmed by what’s going on in the world.

One time I met this girl who was so passionate about the pet dogs who were being neglected. There are pet dogs that are tied up and don’t get fed, or get enough water. I didn’t know this. But she was so passionate about helping them. 

For a minute I brushed it off as her being a little fanatic. But then I realized, if everyone just paid attention to what they were passionate about doing, so much more would be taken care of. 

Someone would help the neglected pets. Someone would help the abused children and battered wives. Someone would run for a political office. Someone would teach the children in the schools. 

Obviously, the list of needs goes on forever. My point is, I think one of Satan’s tactics is to make us feel so overwhelmed by the amount of problems in the world, that we don’t work on ANY problem effectively.

Think about it. When you feel overwhelmed, how effective are you? How creative are you? 

I’m not very effective OR creative when I feel overwhelmed. In fact, I feel frozen.

I love the Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.


We are not meant to fix all of the problems of the world. I think we’re just meant to work on problems. It’s not that important what the problem is. Just choose one and work on it.

I like to remind myself, “Working on SOMETHING is more effective than being frozen by thinking about working on EVERYTHING.” 

Maybe you feel your contribution is so small or not important. But I DON’T think solving the problem is what’s important. I think what you become in the process of working on solving the problem is what is important.

What is ONE thing you could do to help solve ONE problem TODAY? Go do it. Be grateful to yourself for doing something to help the world. I know I’m grateful for you!

P.S. Be sure to schedule a free mini-coaching session with me. You can get a taste of what coaching is like, meet me, and see if this is what is going to help you be more confident and love your life more. If you love the session and want more, I will tell you how to work with me further. There’s no pressure to continue on, but you’ll for sure go away with a tool to help you get to where you want to go. 

Toddler with a Sharpie on the Loose!

Would you ever give a toddler a Sharpie and let them run wild through your house? Think of the mess!

Jody Moore likes to say letting your brain go unmanaged is like giving a toddler a Sharpie and letting them run wild. 

What is an unmanaged brain? Yesterday, I let my brain go unmanaged for a little while. My brain looked at the perceived problems of other people and tried to solve them.

Not in a constructive, “Is there anything I can do to help this person?” It was more like, “They should…” 

You know how I could tell that this wasn’t useful? Because it made me feel helpless and hopeless and a little despair. These emotions don’t drive anything useful for me. 

I told my brain, “We’re going to put these problems down, and look at a problem we have some control over.”

If you would like to try this, first, just observe what’s going on. Notice what you’re thinking and how it makes you feel.

Choose one thought, it doesn’t really matter which one, and focus on it.

How do you feel when you think that thought? Is it a useful feeling? (Notice, I didn’t say “good feeling”. I said useful feeling.)

If it’s not a helpful thought, what could you think instead?

Tell the toddler, “I’m going to take the sharpie. Here is a crayon. Here is some paper. Draw here.”

P.S. I am going make some videos and classes to help you put these tools into practice. Reply and let me know what you would like more help with! 

What to Do With All of the Uncertainty

In a story, about a boy, who hates that his life is always so uncertain because his parents are often on the brink of losing everything, he has a friend come along and offer him a different perspective.

“Look.” Marisol knelt down to scratch Beans (a dog) behind the ear. “We don’t know everything. I don’t know why my brothers feel the need to burp the alphabet. I don’t know why I like to build things. I don’t know why there are no rainbow M&M’s. Why do you have to understand everything, Jackson? I like not knowing everything. It makes things more interesting.” -Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate

Maybe we don’t want to live with uncertainty, but when we can’t do anything about it, what’s more helpful: A) resisting the uncertainty, and being afraid of what may or may not happen, or B) call it an adventure, and remember something bad could happen, but so could something good?

It’s not necessarily easy to choose the adventure. Our brains more easily go to the negative and resisting of the uncertainty. But it IS an option to take a different perspective. And it’s much more helpful.

“Fun fact, Jackson. You can’t see sound waves, but you can hear music.” -Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate

 

P.S. Maybe you KNOW your life is amazing, but you can’t FEEL that your life is amazing. You’ve come to the right place. I will give you the tools to FEEL amazing. Sign-up today for a free coaching session, and see for yourself. I have an opening for a new client. Is it for you?

 

What Do You WANT to be True?

The timing is perfect.

I’m right on track.

I’m the best mom for my kids, warts and all.

God is in charge.

What I have to say is important.

My kids listen to me.

I’m worthy.

I’m enough.

I’m 100% lovable and likable.

I have plenty of money.

My house is clean and tidy.

I’m successful.

I’m capable.

Did you know all of these thoughts are true about you right now? I challenge you to tell me two reasons why each of these is true for you, right now.

P.S. You are more amazing than you even know. As a coach, I help you see it for yourself so that you can go on to achieve your dreams. Sign-up for a free coaching session now, so you can see for yourself.

5 Minutes to Love Better

Remember the movie, “You’ve Got Mail”? There’s a scene after Meg Ryan goes out of business. She’s in her apartment and she has a bowl of soup. She finds a sunny spot on the floor of her apartment and sits down to eat it.

She’s sad about going out of business, and she just takes a minute to be sad. 

It’s such a gift to yourself to take the time to feel what you’re feeling. 

It might feel hard to do when you’ve got kids around you, work to do, laundry to be folded, people mad at you, or whatever else seems pressing.

But could you take 5 minutes to just be with yourself, and feel what you’re feeling? Put a timer on so you don’t have to keep looking at the time.

You could describe out loud to yourself the sensation in your chest or your stomach. You could write out the tingling in your arms, or the tightness in your feet. 

After you’ve described the sensations, can you just sit with yourself in that emotion without the need to change it?

Tell yourself how much you love you, even when you’re sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, worried. 

Sometimes I like to give myself a foot rub, or stroke my arm, the way I would a loved one who was feeling hard emotions.

This is showing love to yourself. Be a friend to yourself. Don’t tell yourself you should feel something different. Whatever you’re feeling is perfect.

P.S. If you want someone to guide you through feeling your emotions, I’m here for you. Sign-up for a free coaching session today, and see the power coaching will have to change your life.

 

One Simple Way to Start Increasing Your Confidence as a Mom

“Confidence isn’t, ‘They will like me.’ Confidence is, ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.'”

I think we most often think of people liking us in the context of our peers, but lately I’ve been thinking of it in the context of my kids.

Sometimes I do things because I don’t want my kids to be mad at me. I want them to like me. I want them to tell me things. I want them to trust me. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of those things, except for when I’m not true to myself because of it. 

Do you ever not discipline when you know it would be best, laugh when you don’t mean it, overly emphasize praise, pretend to like something you don’t, just so your kids will feel a certain way about themselves or about you?

I’m not saying these are necessarily wrong either, as long as you like your reason. Maybe you do it because you want to encourage your kids to keep trying, or for some other reason. 

If you’re motivated by trying to make your child feel a certain way, it will take you on a roller coaster, and build up resentment. I know, because I do it sometimes.

Our children don’t usually appreciate the things we do for them. They will often be grumpy, want more, and keep complaining. Even if they DO respond in the way you hope, it doesn’t last. 

Can you be okay with your kids not liking you? If you can, then you can be free to be yourself. Who do you want to be? Kind, selfish, positive, grumpy, fun, still? Do you want to love others, including your kids, EVEN IF they don’t reciprocate it? 

I like to ask myself, “Can I like me while making this decision?” “Can I like me talking this way and behaving this way?” If not, it’s irrelevant how my kids feel. 

P.S. Want to increase your confidence as a mother? Let me help you! Sign-up for a free 45 minute session. I’ll help you see what you can do to feel better about yourself AND gain confidence in your role as a mother. 

How to Stop Tip-toeing Around the Issues

There is a lot of turmoil in Canada and the U.S. right now. So many people angry at each other, defensive about their positions. I see this over the protests, what to do about police, how to handle the Covid-19 Pandemic, and other things.

I think this turmoil is the same turmoil we have in our individual relationships, only on a grander scale. 

There are many reasons for the turmoil. I’m not going to write about my views or opinions on the issues. 

What I want to focus on is how you FEEL about YOURSELF, your views and opinions, and OTHERS and their views and opinions. Do you feel defensive, knowledgeable, righteous, indignant, open, humble? 

Take a minute right now. Think of an issue that is bringing up turmoil in yourself and/or your life. How do you feel when you think of your thoughts and opinions on the matter? How do you feel when you think of the opposite side’s thoughts and opinions on the matter?

What emotions do you think would be most helpful in this situation? To me, the most helpful emotions when I don’t agree with someone else are LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, HUMILITY.

When we are sure that we’re right and someone else is wrong, we hold on so tightly to our opinion that we have to shut out any one else with a different opinion. We may listen to others, but not with the spirit to understand what they really think and feel…not with the spirit to hear their MESSAGE rather than their tone. 

When you have someone who wants to tell you that you’re wrong, can you love them AND love yourself?

Two thoughts that really help me open up and really listen when I want to understand but I’m feeling defensive are: They might be wrong, but this is what they really feel is true. Can I understand why they feel this way?

And: This is what I feel is true, and I might be wrong.

In the end, if we want to have true relationships with ourselves and with others, we HAVE to be honest with ourselves and with others. We can’t MAKE anyone see our point of view, but we CAN try to see others’ perspectives.

That doesn’t mean the struggle will be gone. In fact, if we’re truly honest, there will be more struggle, but it will be struggle that strengthens the relationship rather than tears it apart. 

How do you want to better love yourself and others with whom you may disagree right now? Try those thoughts and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear.

P.S. As a coach, I create a safe, neutral place for you to struggle with yourself about what is really true for you. It’s an amazing experience to share with someone your struggle without them having an opinion about it. If you’d like to see what it’s like book a FREE 45-minute session HERE today!

Relationships Need A Boost?

How are your relationships doing? Some people we’ve been around A LOT more than usual, and a lot of people we’ve been away from A LOT more than usual.

How has this affected your relationships?

What does having a good relationship mean to you? Maybe it changes a bit depending on who you’re thinking of.

Today I wanted to give you a couple of things to ask yourself to understand how you’re viewing your relationships, and hopefully help soften those relationships that may have become a little prickly over the last couple of months (or years…let’s be honest).

Does your definition of a good relationship depend on how the other person feels, or how the other person feels about you? 

We often think that relationships are good if we get along, if we like each other, if we treat each other well, etc…

Very often our focus is very much on the other person. We’re gauging how they feel, or how they feel about us to decide whether the relationship is going well.

We think we have control over how other people feel, even how they feel about us. We also think other people make us feel a certain way, that they can control our feelings.

Have you ever had someone try to make you feel better, and you think, “That’s not helping. In fact, it’s making it worse,”?

Have you ever done something that you thought would make someone feel happy, but they didn’t feel happy about it? 

I’m the youngest of my 7 siblings. I was pretty young when my first sibling got married. My mom seemed stressed about the reception, and I knew she needed to make some cookies for it. I really wanted her to feel less stressed, so I decided to bake some of the cookies for her. 

To my shock, when she saw the cookies she was not grateful and relieved like I had imagined.

She was upset and more stressed. You see, I hadn’t made the cookies the way she was planning, and I had used all of the ingredients she had reserved for those cookies.

I was crushed. Why? Was it because my mom was upset with me? I thought it was, but actually it was because I had thoughts that I had failed, that she shouldn’t be mad at me, that I had done something wrong. 

I didn’t feel the way I did because of her reaction. I felt the way I did because of my thoughts about her reaction. 

Of course, when she saw how upset I was, she thanked me for making the cookies because she saw my intentions were good, but the point of the story is I was trying to make her feel something, and when she didn’t feel it, I had crushing thoughts.

On the other hand, she was upset and stressed, not because I had made cookies, but because of her thoughts about the cookies and the ingredients being used up. 

It’s the same in all of our relationships. We think we MAKE people feel a certain way…whether positive or negative. We think other people MAKE us feel a certain way…positive or negative.

The only reason we or anyone else feels anything is because of our thoughts. It’s not because of what others say or do, and vice versa.

Your brain may resist this. I just encourage you to be open to the possibility that it’s true.

So, what are we to do? How can we improve our relationships if we can’t make other people feel good, or feel positive about us?

The answer is to see the relationship in terms of what you have control over.

The way I like to define a relationship is this: how I feel about me, and how I feel about the other person. 

That’s all I have control over. 

It’s all you have control over.

Let your focus be on how you feel about them, and how you feel about you and your behaviour. This also means if you don’t appreciate someone’s behaviour then the loving thing for yourself is to tell them, and remove yourself if they don’t comply.

It’s so much more freeing to only take responsibility over the things you have control over. Try it. Let me know how it goes.

P.S. Want a neutral place to talk about your relationship with someone else? Want to talk to someone who will love you AND the other person? I specialize in making that safe place for you to explore any relationship so you can use your inner wisdom to decide what to do. Sign-up for a free 45-minute session today!

When You’re Afraid You’ve Messed Up Your Kids

What are you afraid of today? Can you pinpoint one thing?

A lot of my fears have to do with how my kids will be in the future. Sometimes we put this huge pressure on ourselves to do everything right as parents, so that our kids won’t have to suffer in the future. 

As I was contemplating this one day, I had the thought, “Heavenly Father has an individual relationship with each of my kids, just like he does with me.” 

This may not seem earth-shattering, but I’ll tell you why it was for me.

I unintentionally decided that I was in between God and my kids. I thought He would talk to me, then I would tell my kids. That’s a lot of pressure to not mess it up, to not miss anything. Heck, I was having a hard time hearing what God was telling ME, let alone my kids.

When I had the thought that He has an individual relationship with each of them, the pressure dropped. 

Of course my husband and I will mess things up. We’re humans. Guess what, God is sending His children to imperfect humans to be raised. I don’t think this was an accident. 

I realized that even when terrible, horrible things happen, God can make it good, meaning He can work with it to make it good for us…when we turn to Him. 

So, yes, we will do things that will cause our kids to suffer, unknowingly, inadvertently, and maybe even sometimes on purpose because we’re imperfect humans.

But when they turn to God, He will make it create goodness for them. 

How has God created goodness in your life from your parents’ mistakes or inadequacies? 

P.S. If you’d like more help creating the life you want to have, sign-up for a free 45-minute coaching session. Coaching helps you create the feelings you want to have in your life. Try it out today!