How to Stop Tip-toeing Around the Issues

There is a lot of turmoil in Canada and the U.S. right now. So many people angry at each other, defensive about their positions. I see this over the protests, what to do about police, how to handle the Covid-19 Pandemic, and other things.

I think this turmoil is the same turmoil we have in our individual relationships, only on a grander scale. 

There are many reasons for the turmoil. I’m not going to write about my views or opinions on the issues. 

What I want to focus on is how you FEEL about YOURSELF, your views and opinions, and OTHERS and their views and opinions. Do you feel defensive, knowledgeable, righteous, indignant, open, humble? 

Take a minute right now. Think of an issue that is bringing up turmoil in yourself and/or your life. How do you feel when you think of your thoughts and opinions on the matter? How do you feel when you think of the opposite side’s thoughts and opinions on the matter?

What emotions do you think would be most helpful in this situation? To me, the most helpful emotions when I don’t agree with someone else are LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, HUMILITY.

When we are sure that we’re right and someone else is wrong, we hold on so tightly to our opinion that we have to shut out any one else with a different opinion. We may listen to others, but not with the spirit to understand what they really think and feel…not with the spirit to hear their MESSAGE rather than their tone. 

When you have someone who wants to tell you that you’re wrong, can you love them AND love yourself?

Two thoughts that really help me open up and really listen when I want to understand but I’m feeling defensive are: They might be wrong, but this is what they really feel is true. Can I understand why they feel this way?

And: This is what I feel is true, and I might be wrong.

In the end, if we want to have true relationships with ourselves and with others, we HAVE to be honest with ourselves and with others. We can’t MAKE anyone see our point of view, but we CAN try to see others’ perspectives.

That doesn’t mean the struggle will be gone. In fact, if we’re truly honest, there will be more struggle, but it will be struggle that strengthens the relationship rather than tears it apart. 

How do you want to better love yourself and others with whom you may disagree right now? Try those thoughts and let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear.

P.S. As a coach, I create a safe, neutral place for you to struggle with yourself about what is really true for you. It’s an amazing experience to share with someone your struggle without them having an opinion about it. If you’d like to see what it’s like book a FREE 45-minute session HERE today!