“Confidence isn’t, ‘They will like me.’ Confidence is, ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.'”
I think we most often think of people liking us in the context of our peers, but lately I’ve been thinking of it in the context of my kids.
Sometimes I do things because I don’t want my kids to be mad at me. I want them to like me. I want them to tell me things. I want them to trust me.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of those things, except for when I’m not true to myself because of it.
Do you ever not discipline when you know it would be best, laugh when you don’t mean it, overly emphasize praise, pretend to like something you don’t, just so your kids will feel a certain way about themselves or about you?
I’m not saying these are necessarily wrong either, as long as you like your reason. Maybe you do it because you want to encourage your kids to keep trying, or for some other reason.
If you’re motivated by trying to make your child feel a certain way, it will take you on a roller coaster, and build up resentment. I know, because I do it sometimes.
Our children don’t usually appreciate the things we do for them. They will often be grumpy, want more, and keep complaining. Even if they DO respond in the way you hope, it doesn’t last.
Can you be okay with your kids not liking you? If you can, then you can be free to be yourself. Who do you want to be? Kind, selfish, positive, grumpy, fun, still? Do you want to love others, including your kids, EVEN IF they don’t reciprocate it?
I like to ask myself, “Can I like me while making this decision?” “Can I like me talking this way and behaving this way?” If not, it’s irrelevant how my kids feel.
P.S. Want to increase your confidence as a mother? Let me help you! Sign-up for a free 45 minute session. I’ll help you see what you can do to feel better about yourself AND gain confidence in your role as a mother.