Here’s something to think about…Relationships aren’t about our interactions with each other. A relationship is only the way you think about yourself, and the way you think about the other person.
I had a friend tell me that she and her husband just couldn’t get along. She was always angry with him and felt like he just didn’t understand her and didn’t care. About 6 months later, she was back in love with him. They got along great; he was so caring and thoughtful. When she told her husband how she was so glad that they were getting along better, he reluctantly told her, “I’m not doing anything differently.” She was having a completely different experience than he was.
When you have a lot of negative thoughts about someone, your brain looks for evidence that those thoughts are true. You have a terrible relationship with that person.
When you have a lot of positive thoughts about someone, your brain looks for evidence that those thoughts are true. You have an amazing relationship with that person.
Try this: think of someone you have a strained relationship with. Everyday, for a week, write 5 positive things about them. Don’t tell them you’re doing it (except at the end, I’m sure they would love to hear all of those positive things about them). See how your relationship is different after that week.
Another experiment: think of someone you admire, but you’ve never met in person or online. Everyday, for a week, write them a letter. Do you feel like you have a relationship with that person?
You can improve your relationships just by focusing on positive things about yourself and the other person.
Try it and let me know how it goes!