I’m a mess!

Last week, I wrote about creating with a toddler. Because I’m a life coach, I’m very tempted to hide the mess my toddler makes. I get really upset with my toddler, and think I should be able to control her so that she doesn’t make any messes.

When I was deep in depression, I spent so much time being angry with the toddler inside of me. I didn’t want her to be there. I didn’t want any of her mess. I thought once I grew up, I wouldn’t have the toddler anymore. What I’m working on is loving her, even loving her messes.

Her (my) messes don’t look professional. Sometimes people get hurt stepping through her (my) messes. Her (my) messes are not pretty.

I’m writing to tell you, I’m still a mess, but in all of that mess, I’m creating things I didn’t even know I could create. It’s so fun! Sometimes my toddler, primitive brain, tells me to be scared, to stop trying, that my creation is ugly, or doesn’t look how it “should”. But when I really focus on creating, and love the toddler inside of me, and her (my) mess, it’s invigorating. We can never totally get rid of the mess, but I can teach you how to love it, embrace it, and create amazing things in the midst of it. Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started!

Life is Just Creating With A Toddler

I feel like my brain is expanding more and more about how we create EVERYTHING in our lives. Most often we don’t get to choose the materials we create with. I’m imagining sitting in a the living room with a toddler. We’ve been given the same materials to create with. The toddler is mostly making a mess, and every now and then gets something simple that looks alright.

I’m next to the toddler trying to create what I “should”. Sometimes I look at the mess the toddler is making and kind of give up working on my creation. What’s the use? I can’t get the toddler under control, and her stuff is making my stuff not look the way it “should”.

Sometimes I scold the toddler about how bad of a job she’s doing. When people come to see what I’m creating, I try to hide the mess the toddler is making. I try to keep it short and not let them get too close to see all of the mess.

I think that I should be able to control the toddler. I think there shouldn’t be a mess. It should just be my creation.

Sometimes I look at the materials someone else was given and think, “If I had the materials they were given I could do a better job.”

Sometimes it looks like their toddler isn’t making any mess. Some people have really rambunctious toddlers and I judge them, thinking, “You should really keep your toddler under control, then you wouldn’t have such a big mess.” I think I could handle their toddler better than they are, or that I could do better than they are with the materials they have.

The materials we are given are our circumstances. The toddler is our primitive brain. We are our higher brain.

We spend SO much time just wishing we could have different materials, circumstances. We spend so much time wishing we didn’t have a toddler, primitive brain, to work with. We spend so much energy judging our mess, judging our neighbour’s mess.

How much better would we feel, how much more would we create, if we stopped focusing on the mess and focused on the creation in front of us? How much better would we feel if we stopped wishing we had different circumstances to work with and just got to creating with what we had? What if we stopped asking outside of us what we “should” create, and thought about what we WANT to create?

I have this strong belief that if we all just created what we could with what we had our lives would be amazing, and we would all enrich each other. But sometimes we’re just so focused on the mess, or we’re so afraid of what others will think of our creation, that we create small, or we don’t create what we love.

What do you want to create? Sign-up for a free mini-session with me, and I’ll give you a powerful tool to help you on your way.

 

Have you heard the scraping in the wall?

We heard the scraping in the wall, and saw the pellets on the ground, so we set up some mousetraps in our basement. It has been a couple of weeks, and nothing. Then this morning, Xander yells, “Mom! We caught a mouse!” I could hardly walk into the room where he was. My heart was pounding. I felt frozen. I stood there for a good minute before I peaked around the corner at the trap to see the mouse. I seriously peaked and closed my eyes, so I had to look again. I looked so fast the next time that I had to look AGAIN! I couldn’t see the mouse, but I couldn’t quite tell what was going on with the trap, so I had to look closer. When I really examined it, I realized there was no mouse! Xander had just been mistaken. He was out of the room by now and I told him there was no mouse, and he said, “I saw a claw!” No, my dear, it was all made up in your mind, just like all of the fear I felt was made up from my thoughts.

I would say I was afraid of the mouse, but since there was no mouse, that’s not even possible! I was afraid THINKING about the mouse. My thoughts created all of the emotion.

What other thoughts are creating debilitating fear of things that aren’t even there?

Want me to help you find them? Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started on feeling more of the way you want to feel.

Thursday Thought: I don’t have to make it all better

Why do we feel the need to make everyone feel good all of the time? Not everyone feels this, but I think it’s pretty prevalent. What would it be like for you if you were okay with someone not feeling okay? What if you were okay with someone not liking you? What if you just listened to others’ complaints, to your own complaints, and not try to fix it? What would that be like?

The next time someone is upset, or your upset, what if you decided you would just listen to their upset, or feel your own upset? What if you told yourself, “I don’t have to make it all better,”?

Thursday Thought: I’m here. I’ll listen.

I found myself searching the cupboards for anything to eat. For a second I paused and asked myself, “What is going on?” I wasn’t hungry, and I realized for the past two days I had been scouring the cupboards for something to eat when I wasn’t hungry almost constantly. I asked myself, “Am I trying to stuff something down?”

You know when one of your kids (or all of them) come and talk and talk and talk to you, but you’re not really listening? You’re trying to make dinner, read a book, or pay the bills. You know that moment when you finally stop what you’re doing and look at them and give them your full attention and really hear what they’re saying? This was like one of those moments.

At first, I started to listen and didn’t like what I heard, so I almost tuned out again. But then I thought, “I’m here. I’ll listen.” I decided I wasn’t going to try to make it all better. I just listened. The interesting thing was my inner self wasn’t trying to say a lot, she was just saying the same thing over and over. Maybe that’s why I tuned her out. But when I just decided to listen without making it all better, she calmed down a bit. Mostly she just wanted to be heard. Are you listening? Take a minute right now and tell yourself, “I’m here. I’ll listen.” What is your inner voice saying? You don’t have to make it all better, just listen.

Drowning

I love that sketch by Jim Gaffigan: 4 Kids. “Do you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth (kid)? Just imagine you’re drowning, and then someone hands you a baby.”

I have two kids, and I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to have 4 kids to feel like you’re drowning. You can have one child and feel like you’re drowning. I used to have these really unhelpful thoughts like, “My mom had 8 kids and she was amazing. I can’t even cut it with only 2.” I think you all know this, but comparison is the killer of joy. I just want to say in this post, if you feel like you’re drowning, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or your life. You’re just a human having a human experience. The only reason you feel like you’re drowning is because of what you’re believing about you and your life. EVERYTHING you’re believing is optional. You may tell me you have a ton of evidence that it’s true. But pick one thing, turn it around to the opposite and then tell me a reason why that is just as true. It’s there.

If you feel like you’re drowning, send me a message, and I’d love to chat with you. I’m in the middle of writing a program specifically for you. I can help you! You don’t have to feel this way forever. And you don’t have to give up your kids, although you can if you want to. 😉

Seriously, send me a message or sign-up for a free mini-session. It’s like a free sample at Costco. It’s amazing how even just one 30 minute session can help. And I’ll tell you how you can work with me more if you want to know, but you’re more than welcome to just enjoy the help you get from the one mini-session. There IS hope, I promise!

Thursday Thought: Everything Is Going To Be Fine…

This thought helps me get out of that space of “everything is all wrong”.  I experience all of these things I write about. Sometimes I’m a huge mess. The other day was one of those days. Everything felt like it was never going to be okay. A friend offered me this thought, but added on the end…that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE; THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT WILL BE EASY.

And somehow, that’s okay. It’s just enough to know that it’s going to be fine. I’ll just keep doing one thing at a time. If things don’t go the way I expect or want, it’s still going to be fine.

What are you dealing with right now? How is it true that it’s going to be fine, even if it’s not easy?

When Everything Is All Wrong

You’re worried about your child’s health. There’s not enough money in the bank. You overate. again. You blew up at your husband. again. Your lesson for church isn’t coming together. You feel like the heavens are closed. You’re pretty sure you’re messing your kids up. Your friend cancelled your girls’ night. And seriously why does everyone in your family need to eat dinner every.single.night.

What if I told you you’re right on track? This just means that you’re trying to do something hard or different and your brain is trying to talk you out of it. “But I’m not working on anything right now.” You say to me. Are you sure? Think about it. What have you been trying to progress at, or do differently recently? Your brain is just feeding you negative thoughts to try to get you to zone out, watch Netflix, and eat candy.

Now that you’re onto your brain, what DO you want to think about what is going on in your life? Do you want to think that everything has gone wrong? Or do you want to think that everything is going just the way it’s supposed to, and see how it’s helping you grow and become more of who you want to be?

When You Don’t Know What To Do

Earlier I wrote a post about how, “I don’t know,” is always a lie. For awhile, whenever my kids would tell me, “I don’t know.” I would ask them, “If you did know, what would you say?” They started revolting a little, so I stopped asking the question as often. Then the other day, my son asked me a question. Honestly, I wasn’t paying very close attention, but it was some informational question that I didn’t know the actual answer to. When I nonchalantly told him, “I don’t know.” He asked, with a smile on his face, “If you did know, what would you say?” I laughed and totally guessed the answer, and told him I was totally guessing.

We all have wisdom inside of us, and this is a way to get it out. What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?

We’re All Painting The Same Picture Differently

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt inadequate in some area of your life. It’s very common for us to look around at what other people are doing, and then use that to decide if we’re doing okay at what we’re doing.

Take motherhood, for example. How do you know if you’re doing it right? We want to look at what other people are doing to decide if we’re “doing it right”.

Imagine you’re in an art class. Everyone is painting the same thing, but they all look different from each other. Why is that? Because we’re all different. We can do the same thing, but it will have our own personality in it. How do you know which painting is done the “right” way?

As with the painting and motherhood, you get to choose what your right way is. The way you do it is going to have your personality in it, so it’s never going to look exactly the same as someone else. But it doesn’t mean it isn’t just as beautiful. It’s just different.

I also like to remind myself that it’s a work in progress. This paint never dries.

In what ways do you want to change your painting? What do you like about the way you paint?