How to Tell the Story of You

My kids love it when my husband makes up a story for them at night. He even lets them choose characters, and their names, and tell some of the things they do.

I love to listen to stories. The thought of making one up, seriously makes my stomach churn.

You know what I found out? I’m always making up stories about real life. We all are. We tell ourselves who we are in this world.

Sometimes we make ourselves the villain. Some days we’re the victim.Sometimes we’re the hero that saves the day. And some days we’re fairy that spreads sprinkles of good wherever we go.

Did you know that we’re just making it up?

When you feel like the victim in your story, how might you see yourself as the hero instead?

When you feel like the villain in your story, how might you see yourself as the fairy spreading good instead?

It’s all there. You just have to show your brain. Your brain is just looking for evidence that your story is true. So why not tell it to find evidence for a story you like?

We all play all of the roles in our stories and different times. Which parts do you want to focus on?

P.S. If you like these posts and would like to explore them in your specific situation. Sign-up for a FREE Intro Coaching Call with me. It’s super convenient over the internet. And I’ll help you apply all of this to your situation so you can be more of the mom, wife, and person you want to be

Thursday Thought: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with concepts, such as money and time. If time were a person, what would my relationship with Time be like? How do I think about this person TIME?

Some of my thoughts I’ve had about Time are: she’s never enough; I never have fun with her; I never get to take a break with her; She is controlling me; I need to control her. If I thought these things about a friend, I wouldn’t feel like we were very good friends.

I try to think these thoughts about Time: She’s always enough; I make sure I have fun with her sometimes; I plan with her so that I can work, play, relax, learn, and do all of the things I want to do with her.

I came up with this thought with a client I was working with: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun. If you feel like it’s really true that you don’t have enough time, try It’s possible, I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun.

Sign-up for a free coaching session, and I will help you create a more relaxed relationship with time.

Struggling with a Transition? Read on…

This is a picture of my Grandma and me just before I left on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This was one of the times I remember really struggling with a transition to something new. The day I entered the Missionary Training Center, I thought I felt good, but looking back I realize I just didn’t feel bad. I actually didn’t feel anything. Feeling nothing was better than feeling scared, right?

That first night all of the new missionaries came together for a special meeting with the Mission President. The closing song was “Lord, I Would Follow Thee”. During the hymn I started crying, which was fine until I realized it was becoming uncontrollable. I was in the second row to the front, right where I felt like everyone sitting at the front of the meeting could see me. As we were dismissed, I hurried into the hall, but I wasn’t alone. The Mission President’s wife followed me and hurried me into the first door she could find, which happened to be the custodial closet. She put her arm around me and asked, “Is everything in your life in order?” I was mortified. She thought I was crying because I had done something that I needed to repent of. I don’t blame her. Why else would I be crying so uncontrollably in a public place?

What I didn’t know then, but that I know now, is that big transitions are really hard for me because I have a lot of practiced thoughts about doing new things. I think¬† thoughts such as: I should know how to do this; Mistakes are bad; Everyone else knows what they’re doing; Others won’t like me if I do this wrong; I’m the only one that doesn’t know what’s going on; I have to do this right.

I’ve never really even articulated those thoughts as what causes my pain. But when I write them down, I can see why they would create so much fear. Thoughts I’m practicing now during transitions are: I don’t need to know how to do this yet, that’s what I’m figuring out; If I already knew how to do this, I would have already done it; Everyone has to figure this out for themselves; No one is born knowing how to do this; I’m willing to do it wrong; There’s probably someone else who would benefit by me asking a question or getting clarification. If you’re struggling through something new, notice what you’re thinking, and try on some of these thoughts.

If you would like some one-on-one help, sign-up for a free coaching session with me. I’ll help you understand what’s so hard, and how to help yourself through it.

 

I’m a mess!

Last week, I wrote about creating with a toddler. Because I’m a life coach, I’m very tempted to hide the mess my toddler makes. I get really upset with my toddler, and think I should be able to control her so that she doesn’t make any messes.

When I was deep in depression, I spent so much time being angry with the toddler inside of me. I didn’t want her to be there. I didn’t want any of her mess. I thought once I grew up, I wouldn’t have the toddler anymore. What I’m working on is loving her, even loving her messes.

Her (my) messes don’t look professional. Sometimes people get hurt stepping through her (my) messes. Her (my) messes are not pretty.

I’m writing to tell you, I’m still a mess, but in all of that mess, I’m creating things I didn’t even know I could create. It’s so fun! Sometimes my toddler, primitive brain, tells me to be scared, to stop trying, that my creation is ugly, or doesn’t look how it “should”. But when I really focus on creating, and love the toddler inside of me, and her (my) mess, it’s invigorating. We can never totally get rid of the mess, but I can teach you how to love it, embrace it, and create amazing things in the midst of it. Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started!

Life is Just Creating With A Toddler

I feel like my brain is expanding more and more about how we create EVERYTHING in our lives. Most often we don’t get to choose the materials we create with. I’m imagining sitting in a the living room with a toddler. We’ve been given the same materials to create with. The toddler is mostly making a mess, and every now and then gets something simple that looks alright.

I’m next to the toddler trying to create what I “should”. Sometimes I look at the mess the toddler is making and kind of give up working on my creation. What’s the use? I can’t get the toddler under control, and her stuff is making my stuff not look the way it “should”.

Sometimes I scold the toddler about how bad of a job she’s doing. When people come to see what I’m creating, I try to hide the mess the toddler is making. I try to keep it short and not let them get too close to see all of the mess.

I think that I should be able to control the toddler. I think there shouldn’t be a mess. It should just be my creation.

Sometimes I look at the materials someone else was given and think, “If I had the materials they were given I could do a better job.”

Sometimes it looks like their toddler isn’t making any mess. Some people have really rambunctious toddlers and I judge them, thinking, “You should really keep your toddler under control, then you wouldn’t have such a big mess.” I think I could handle their toddler better than they are, or that I could do better than they are with the materials they have.

The materials we are given are our circumstances. The toddler is our primitive brain. We are our higher brain.

We spend SO much time just wishing we could have different materials, circumstances. We spend so much time wishing we didn’t have a toddler, primitive brain, to work with. We spend so much energy judging our mess, judging our neighbour’s mess.

How much better would we feel, how much more would we create, if we stopped focusing on the mess and focused on the creation in front of us? How much better would we feel if we stopped wishing we had different circumstances to work with and just got to creating with what we had? What if we stopped asking outside of us what we “should” create, and thought about what we WANT to create?

I have this strong belief that if we all just created what we could with what we had our lives would be amazing, and we would all enrich each other. But sometimes we’re just so focused on the mess, or we’re so afraid of what others will think of our creation, that we create small, or we don’t create what we love.

What do you want to create? Sign-up for a free mini-session with me, and I’ll give you a powerful tool to help you on your way.

 

Thursday Thought: What IS working?

We’ve been trying to figure out a health condition with my son. It has been going on for 5 years now. My brain likes to tell me that is a really long time, and we should have it figured out by now. Each time we have a “set-back” I quickly go to despair. I watched someone else get coached on a chronic health condition. She kept saying, “It’s not working.” The coach asked her, “What is working?” It totally changed everything! It changed the focus on what wasn’t working to what was working. Maybe something that WAS working isn’t working anymore. But what’s working now?

Ask this question with any problem you’re facing. How does it change your perspective?

I’d love to hear about it! Book a free mini-session with me here.

Have you heard the scraping in the wall?

We heard the scraping in the wall, and saw the pellets on the ground, so we set up some mousetraps in our basement. It has been a couple of weeks, and nothing. Then this morning, Xander yells, “Mom! We caught a mouse!” I could hardly walk into the room where he was. My heart was pounding. I felt frozen. I stood there for a good minute before I peaked around the corner at the trap to see the mouse. I seriously peaked and closed my eyes, so I had to look again. I looked so fast the next time that I had to look AGAIN! I couldn’t see the mouse, but I couldn’t quite tell what was going on with the trap, so I had to look closer. When I really examined it, I realized there was no mouse! Xander had just been mistaken. He was out of the room by now and I told him there was no mouse, and he said, “I saw a claw!” No, my dear, it was all made up in your mind, just like all of the fear I felt was made up from my thoughts.

I would say I was afraid of the mouse, but since there was no mouse, that’s not even possible! I was afraid THINKING about the mouse. My thoughts created all of the emotion.

What other thoughts are creating debilitating fear of things that aren’t even there?

Want me to help you find them? Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started on feeling more of the way you want to feel.

Thursday Thought: What in my life is exactly how it should be?

Have you ever had the thought, “This isn’t the way my life was supposed to be?” I was swimming deep in this thought last weekend. I was actually doing thought work on it, but didn’t seem to be making much headway. I was writing down all of the thoughts that came to me about how my life SHOULD be different. Then I was going through and disproving each one. I was feeling pretty miserable, as you can imagine with all of those negative thoughts swimming around. Steve suggested that maybe it was making it worse thinking of all that was going wrong, that maybe I should write things I was grateful for.

I started a page and wrote, “What in my life is exactly how it should be?” Then I started answering that question. Sometimes we can look individually at each negative thought to disprove it, and sometimes we can just turn around the negative question and see that it’s still 50/50. Nothing is all bad. Nothing is all good. It’s always somewhere in the middle.

I give you a challenge to get out some paper and write this question on the top and answer it. What did you experience?

I’d love to hear about your experience! Sign-up for a free mini-session of coaching with me.

Thursday Thought: What am I trying to control outside of me?

Have you ever been told you’re controlling? Do you feel angry even thinking about someone telling you you’re controlling? When someone says to me that I’m being controlling, I start to go into defense mode of how I’m just right. If people would let me control them, it would all be so much better, right?

If you’ve come up against this, I’m sure you’re aware, that we can’t control other people, or how they feel, or how they think, no matter if we think it would be better if we could. The only thing that happens is we’re uptight.

When you feel uptight, ask yourself, “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to control how someone acts, thinks, feels?” Take a deep breath, and bring it in. What do you really have control over? You can control how you think and feel about it/them. You can control how you react. You can control your breathing. You can control your words. Really you have so much control, so you can let go of the control of other people and situations. Isn’t that a relief?

If you want help figuring out how to let go of controlling others, and start controlling what’s going on inside, set up a free mini-session with me here.

The Difference Between Positive Thinking And Thought Work

Just wanted to clarify something here…thought work isn’t positive thinking. I’m all for positive thinking. To me, positive thinking is to your brain like eating nutritious food is to your body. It’s a really helpful practice.

Positive thinking is feeding your brain helpful thoughts to think. However, positive thinking doesn’t replace noticing your thoughts and emotions and examining if your thoughts are helpful or not. That’s what thought work is. It’s uncovering what is really going on. It doesn’t mean you have to change it either. Feeling good all of the time isn’t the goal of thought work.

The goal is to truly be in tune with your thoughts and emotions so you can get the results you want. You may think the result you want is to feel good all of the time. But do you WANT to feel good when someone you love passes away, or your child is being bullied at school, or someone is screaming at you? How DO you want to feel? What would be USEFUL? That’s what thought work is…to help you have useful emotions, on purpose.

If you’re wondering what would be a useful emotion in your circumstance, sign-up for a free mini-session with me and I’d love to explore it with you.