Thursday Thought: Everything is going to be okay

You know those times when you feel despair? Despair that you’ll never feel good again? Despair that you’re beyond hope? One of the thoughts that puts me in that kind of despair is, “I can’t do this.” “This” could be anything from raising kids, being a wife, losing weight, being a ‘good’ person.

Do you know what thought puts you in that kind of despair, where the world feels so heavy, you’re not sure you can even get out of bed?

One of my go-to thoughts in this kind of situation is, “Everything is going to be okay.” It’s like that quote from Patel in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not yet the end.”

It’s just enough hope to get me to take one step in front of the other. I’m not running or flying. I trust that everything will be okay. And it doesn’t have to be okay today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I won’t always feel this way

When you have a cold, it’s pretty uncomfortable, but when you know it’s a cold, and nothing more serious, you know it will pass in 5-7 days. Just knowing that it won’t be forever, kind of deflates it, and makes it more bearable.

When I’m having a strong emotion, or a lot of overwhelming emotions, I like to remind myself, “If I don’t resist this, it will pass. I won’t always feel this way.” When we resist feeling the emotions, they get stronger. When we tighten up against them, or push them under the surface, they grow. But when we relax into it, notice how it feels in our bodies, relax our shoulders and breathe into it, it doesn’t last that long.

Even if we resist it, at some point it blows out, or bubbles over. We won’t feel this way forever. For better or worse, our feelings are ever changing.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Trust the process

Sometimes we want to get to the end of whatever we’re doing. Right.Now.

We think we’ll feel better on the other side.

So we push harder.

We do more.

We get there faster.

But then we stop and fall apart.

It doesn’t feel like we thought it would.

What if instead of pushing harder, we trusted harder?

What if instead of running faster, we slowed down and looked around?

What if we saw what was good right now?

Then we kept taking one step at-a-time.

That’s what trusting the process looks like.

It’s taking one step at a time, knowing you’ll reach the other side, but also knowing that it’s good right here. right now.

 

P.S. Want some help with finding out why it’s okay to be where you are, so you don’t have to rush so hard to get where you’re going? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

Thursday Thought: Just breathe.

I’m thinking of you today.

You who feels like the world is moving too fast and life is too heavy.

You who feels like you can’t quite get your feet under you.

You who feels that life is passing you by without being able to enjoy it.

I say to you, “Just breathe.”

Take a deep breath, and know that it’s going to be okay.

It won’t feel like this forever.

Breathe through this hard time, and you will feel joy in the future.

But it’s okay to not feel joy right now.

You don’t need to feel a certain way, or be a certain way, or do a certain way right now.

Just breathe.

 

P.S. Want to see how coaching can help you? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

We Aren’t Meant to Suffer Alone

A woman in our ward gave a talk on Easter about Christ. She said, “Christ performed the Atonement NOT to FREE us from our sufferings, but to BE WITH us in our sufferings.”

In the depths of depression, I remember praying so hard, “Please take this from me. I can’t handle it anymore.” But He didn’t. I got up from the prayer feeling just as depressed as before. My heart was softened, though, to share my suffering with someone else. It didn’t go away, but I found reassurance that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I wasn’t somehow broken.

I don’t think we are meant to suffer alone. Sometimes we may open up to someone hoping they can make us feel better, and then when they don’t, because they can’t, we feel disappointed and broken. Let me offer, though, that you open up to someone, not so they can free you from your suffering, but just so you don’t have to suffer alone.

As a coach, I can’t take away your suffering, but I can teach you tools, that will help you end your own suffering. I can also be with you and listen. Sign-up for a free coaching session here. But if you don’t sign-up, find someone to share your suffering with, not someone to take it away, but someone to share it with.

I’m a mess!

Last week, I wrote about creating with a toddler. Because I’m a life coach, I’m very tempted to hide the mess my toddler makes. I get really upset with my toddler, and think I should be able to control her so that she doesn’t make any messes.

When I was deep in depression, I spent so much time being angry with the toddler inside of me. I didn’t want her to be there. I didn’t want any of her mess. I thought once I grew up, I wouldn’t have the toddler anymore. What I’m working on is loving her, even loving her messes.

Her (my) messes don’t look professional. Sometimes people get hurt stepping through her (my) messes. Her (my) messes are not pretty.

I’m writing to tell you, I’m still a mess, but in all of that mess, I’m creating things I didn’t even know I could create. It’s so fun! Sometimes my toddler, primitive brain, tells me to be scared, to stop trying, that my creation is ugly, or doesn’t look how it “should”. But when I really focus on creating, and love the toddler inside of me, and her (my) mess, it’s invigorating. We can never totally get rid of the mess, but I can teach you how to love it, embrace it, and create amazing things in the midst of it. Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started!

Have you heard the scraping in the wall?

We heard the scraping in the wall, and saw the pellets on the ground, so we set up some mousetraps in our basement. It has been a couple of weeks, and nothing. Then this morning, Xander yells, “Mom! We caught a mouse!” I could hardly walk into the room where he was. My heart was pounding. I felt frozen. I stood there for a good minute before I peaked around the corner at the trap to see the mouse. I seriously peaked and closed my eyes, so I had to look again. I looked so fast the next time that I had to look AGAIN! I couldn’t see the mouse, but I couldn’t quite tell what was going on with the trap, so I had to look closer. When I really examined it, I realized there was no mouse! Xander had just been mistaken. He was out of the room by now and I told him there was no mouse, and he said, “I saw a claw!” No, my dear, it was all made up in your mind, just like all of the fear I felt was made up from my thoughts.

I would say I was afraid of the mouse, but since there was no mouse, that’s not even possible! I was afraid THINKING about the mouse. My thoughts created all of the emotion.

What other thoughts are creating debilitating fear of things that aren’t even there?

Want me to help you find them? Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started on feeling more of the way you want to feel.

Do You Like Your Reason?

Or as Carrie Roberts put it in her recent BYU devotional, “Discover your why.” We so often do things without even thinking about why.

On a recent trip, my flight was re-routed to a different airport. Because of the interruption, the airline gave us snack boxes to tide us over while we waited for a new plane. I had a thought of just keeping my box until I was hungry later. Then I sat down next to a much more experienced coach. She broke into her box and started eating the snacks. Without thinking too much about why, I started eating my box of snacks, even though I wasn’t even hungry.

As I reflected later on why I had done this, I realized that because I looked up to this coach I decided to delegate all of my decision making to her. I would just do what she was doing. It’s so silly, but how often do we do this? Instead of thinking for ourselves and deciding what we want to do and why, we just follow someone else, or look for answers outside of us.

Think of something you do often, maybe every day. It may even be something you think is good, but do you like your reason for doing it? If you like what you’re doing, but you don’t like your reason, can you come up with a reason you like?

Leave a comment and let me know some of your reasons you like.

Thursday Thought: What am I trying to control outside of me?

Have you ever been told you’re controlling? Do you feel angry even thinking about someone telling you you’re controlling? When someone says to me that I’m being controlling, I start to go into defense mode of how I’m just right. If people would let me control them, it would all be so much better, right?

If you’ve come up against this, I’m sure you’re aware, that we can’t control other people, or how they feel, or how they think, no matter if we think it would be better if we could. The only thing that happens is we’re uptight.

When you feel uptight, ask yourself, “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to control how someone acts, thinks, feels?” Take a deep breath, and bring it in. What do you really have control over? You can control how you think and feel about it/them. You can control how you react. You can control your breathing. You can control your words. Really you have so much control, so you can let go of the control of other people and situations. Isn’t that a relief?

If you want help figuring out how to let go of controlling others, and start controlling what’s going on inside, set up a free mini-session with me here.

I Have Some Bad News for You

I love to give you good news, but today I feel I need to share some news with you that you might not like so much. Mental hygiene is just like dental hygiene. It is an ongoing daily practice. You can’t just brush you teeth once and be done with it. It’s recommended that you brush your teeth twice a day, and then once or twice a year go to see a dentist. A professional that can look even deeper into your dental health.

What is mental hygiene? It’s taking all of the thoughts out of your head and putting them on paper. Looking at them and deciding, on purpose, which thoughts you want to keep. You can’t just do this once and be done. It’s an ongoing daily process. Just like dental hygiene, it’s a good idea to have a professional help you every now and then, too.

Send me a message if you’d like some help looking at your mental hygiene.