Thursday Thought: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with concepts, such as money and time. If time were a person, what would my relationship with Time be like? How do I think about this person TIME?

Some of my thoughts I’ve had about Time are: she’s never enough; I never have fun with her; I never get to take a break with her; She is controlling me; I need to control her. If I thought these things about a friend, I wouldn’t feel like we were very good friends.

I try to think these thoughts about Time: She’s always enough; I make sure I have fun with her sometimes; I plan with her so that I can work, play, relax, learn, and do all of the things I want to do with her.

I came up with this thought with a client I was working with: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun. If you feel like it’s really true that you don’t have enough time, try It’s possible, I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun.

Sign-up for a free coaching session, and I will help you create a more relaxed relationship with time.

Life is Just Creating With A Toddler

I feel like my brain is expanding more and more about how we create EVERYTHING in our lives. Most often we don’t get to choose the materials we create with. I’m imagining sitting in a the living room with a toddler. We’ve been given the same materials to create with. The toddler is mostly making a mess, and every now and then gets something simple that looks alright.

I’m next to the toddler trying to create what I “should”. Sometimes I look at the mess the toddler is making and kind of give up working on my creation. What’s the use? I can’t get the toddler under control, and her stuff is making my stuff not look the way it “should”.

Sometimes I scold the toddler about how bad of a job she’s doing. When people come to see what I’m creating, I try to hide the mess the toddler is making. I try to keep it short and not let them get too close to see all of the mess.

I think that I should be able to control the toddler. I think there shouldn’t be a mess. It should just be my creation.

Sometimes I look at the materials someone else was given and think, “If I had the materials they were given I could do a better job.”

Sometimes it looks like their toddler isn’t making any mess. Some people have really rambunctious toddlers and I judge them, thinking, “You should really keep your toddler under control, then you wouldn’t have such a big mess.” I think I could handle their toddler better than they are, or that I could do better than they are with the materials they have.

The materials we are given are our circumstances. The toddler is our primitive brain. We are our higher brain.

We spend SO much time just wishing we could have different materials, circumstances. We spend so much time wishing we didn’t have a toddler, primitive brain, to work with. We spend so much energy judging our mess, judging our neighbour’s mess.

How much better would we feel, how much more would we create, if we stopped focusing on the mess and focused on the creation in front of us? How much better would we feel if we stopped wishing we had different circumstances to work with and just got to creating with what we had? What if we stopped asking outside of us what we “should” create, and thought about what we WANT to create?

I have this strong belief that if we all just created what we could with what we had our lives would be amazing, and we would all enrich each other. But sometimes we’re just so focused on the mess, or we’re so afraid of what others will think of our creation, that we create small, or we don’t create what we love.

What do you want to create? Sign-up for a free mini-session with me, and I’ll give you a powerful tool to help you on your way.

 

Thursday Thought: The answers aren’t out there, they’re inside of me.

Do you ever feel like there’s so much that you need to read or listen to? It’s like if you could read, listen, and watch it all you’re sure your life would be better. Yet, you can’t seem to stay on top of it all? It seems like when this happens that we would just get on it and read and watch and listen and apply all of it.

Have you noticed how the opposite happens? Maybe you do read and listen to a lot of things, but there seems to always be more coming your way. Someone else is telling you about something amazing that has helped them in some way. You don’t have time to actually apply what you learn. You feel like you’re being so productive, but nothing seems to be changing.

I want to offer the reason this happens is because you have two thoughts: 1-I’m going to miss out on something important that will change my life; 2-THE answer I need is out there.

In this period of time, when there is SO much information available to us, I want to offer to you: 1-It’s not possible to miss out on something you NEED to know. You will come across information you need at the perfect time. 2-THE answers are inside of you. You may come across information, but it’s not useful to you until you make it your own, and you interpret it inside.

I am really good at helping you find your own answers inside of you. If you’ve ever wondered if coaching could help you, sign-up for a free 30-minute session, where I’ll help you tap into your inner wisdom to find answers you’re looking for.

Thursday Thought: What in my life is exactly how it should be?

Have you ever had the thought, “This isn’t the way my life was supposed to be?” I was swimming deep in this thought last weekend. I was actually doing thought work on it, but didn’t seem to be making much headway. I was writing down all of the thoughts that came to me about how my life SHOULD be different. Then I was going through and disproving each one. I was feeling pretty miserable, as you can imagine with all of those negative thoughts swimming around. Steve suggested that maybe it was making it worse thinking of all that was going wrong, that maybe I should write things I was grateful for.

I started a page and wrote, “What in my life is exactly how it should be?” Then I started answering that question. Sometimes we can look individually at each negative thought to disprove it, and sometimes we can just turn around the negative question and see that it’s still 50/50. Nothing is all bad. Nothing is all good. It’s always somewhere in the middle.

I give you a challenge to get out some paper and write this question on the top and answer it. What did you experience?

I’d love to hear about your experience! Sign-up for a free mini-session of coaching with me.

Do You Like Your Reason?

Or as Carrie Roberts put it in her recent BYU devotional, “Discover your why.” We so often do things without even thinking about why.

On a recent trip, my flight was re-routed to a different airport. Because of the interruption, the airline gave us snack boxes to tide us over while we waited for a new plane. I had a thought of just keeping my box until I was hungry later. Then I sat down next to a much more experienced coach. She broke into her box and started eating the snacks. Without thinking too much about why, I started eating my box of snacks, even though I wasn’t even hungry.

As I reflected later on why I had done this, I realized that because I looked up to this coach I decided to delegate all of my decision making to her. I would just do what she was doing. It’s so silly, but how often do we do this? Instead of thinking for ourselves and deciding what we want to do and why, we just follow someone else, or look for answers outside of us.

Think of something you do often, maybe every day. It may even be something you think is good, but do you like your reason for doing it? If you like what you’re doing, but you don’t like your reason, can you come up with a reason you like?

Leave a comment and let me know some of your reasons you like.

I Have Some Bad News for You

I love to give you good news, but today I feel I need to share some news with you that you might not like so much. Mental hygiene is just like dental hygiene. It is an ongoing daily practice. You can’t just brush you teeth once and be done with it. It’s recommended that you brush your teeth twice a day, and then once or twice a year go to see a dentist. A professional that can look even deeper into your dental health.

What is mental hygiene? It’s taking all of the thoughts out of your head and putting them on paper. Looking at them and deciding, on purpose, which thoughts you want to keep. You can’t just do this once and be done. It’s an ongoing daily process. Just like dental hygiene, it’s a good idea to have a professional help you every now and then, too.

Send me a message if you’d like some help looking at your mental hygiene.

 

What is Mental Health?

We are hearing more and more about mental illness, which I think is so great that it’s much less of a taboo subject. Do you ever wonder if you have mental illness? Do you know what it means to be mentally healthy? When this question was posed to me, I thought, “I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I feel really upset, even despair. Does that mean I’m mentally ill?” You guys, I have questioned my mental health since I was a teenager. I remember cutting an article out of the Ensign about depression and telling my dad that I thought I might be depressed, but I wasn’t sure. I was happy sometimes, but sometimes I just couldn’t kick this feeling of sadness, awkwardness, not-fitting-in-ness, there’s-something-wrong-with-me-ness. I thought I was good if I was happy and peaceful, and bad if I was mad, embarrassed, ashamed, depressed. I was okay if I was sad. That was an acceptable “negative” emotion. Or frustrated, that was another acceptable “negative” emotion.

I remember once a friend asking me if I ever got mad, like it was good that I never got mad. I honestly felt like I didn’t get mad, I just got frustrated. It’s very probable I did get mad, but it wasn’t acceptable to me so I pushed it away. Do you think that about people? “They’re so good, they’re just so happy all of the time.” I’m not saying it’s bad to be happy either, just that that’s not the definition of goodness or mental wellness.

So, what does it mean to be mentally healthy, or emotionally well? I’m just barely exploring this as I write this, but I don’t think it means to be happy all of the time. I don’t think it means to have certain emotions that are “okay” to feel and that you don’t feel the rest if you’re mentally well. I think it means you are aware of your emotions. You’re aware of how they affect you. You realize that your thoughts create your emotions, not anything or anyone outside of you. You know that your thoughts are not YOU. They’re just thoughts. But if you don’t take time to slow it all down, you think they’re facts. “This is just how my world is.” But really they’re just thoughts that are just as much true as they are untrue.

If you want help figuring out what thoughts are causing your emotional pain, or figuring out how the circumstances in your life aren’t causing your emotional pain, sign-up for a free mini-session with me where I can help you with ANYthing that’s “causing” you pain.

When Everything Is All Wrong

You’re worried about your child’s health. There’s not enough money in the bank. You overate. again. You blew up at your husband. again. Your lesson for church isn’t coming together. You feel like the heavens are closed. You’re pretty sure you’re messing your kids up. Your friend cancelled your girls’ night. And seriously why does everyone in your family need to eat dinner every.single.night.

What if I told you you’re right on track? This just means that you’re trying to do something hard or different and your brain is trying to talk you out of it. “But I’m not working on anything right now.” You say to me. Are you sure? Think about it. What have you been trying to progress at, or do differently recently? Your brain is just feeding you negative thoughts to try to get you to zone out, watch Netflix, and eat candy.

Now that you’re onto your brain, what DO you want to think about what is going on in your life? Do you want to think that everything has gone wrong? Or do you want to think that everything is going just the way it’s supposed to, and see how it’s helping you grow and become more of who you want to be?

Thursday Thought: I’m Willing To Figure This Out No Matter What

On Monday, I asked you, “What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?” So you get your answer, and you try it out, but it doesn’t work. Then what do you do? Most of us give up. We have thoughts like, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” “I shouldn’t have tried.”  It’s like running a race, and just sitting down when we realize we’re not going to come in first. Life isn’t a race, but we do this with everything from problems our kids are going through, losing weight, any sort of goal we set.

What if you didn’t give up? What if you were willing to try again, every.single.time? What if you were willing to fail over and over again until you succeeded?

When there’s something you really want to do, try on the thought, “I’m willing to figure this out no matter what.”

When You Don’t Know What To Do

Earlier I wrote a post about how, “I don’t know,” is always a lie. For awhile, whenever my kids would tell me, “I don’t know.” I would ask them, “If you did know, what would you say?” They started revolting a little, so I stopped asking the question as often. Then the other day, my son asked me a question. Honestly, I wasn’t paying very close attention, but it was some informational question that I didn’t know the actual answer to. When I nonchalantly told him, “I don’t know.” He asked, with a smile on his face, “If you did know, what would you say?” I laughed and totally guessed the answer, and told him I was totally guessing.

We all have wisdom inside of us, and this is a way to get it out. What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?