Thursday Thought: Everything is going to be okay

You know those times when you feel despair? Despair that you’ll never feel good again? Despair that you’re beyond hope? One of the thoughts that puts me in that kind of despair is, “I can’t do this.” “This” could be anything from raising kids, being a wife, losing weight, being a ‘good’ person.

Do you know what thought puts you in that kind of despair, where the world feels so heavy, you’re not sure you can even get out of bed?

One of my go-to thoughts in this kind of situation is, “Everything is going to be okay.” It’s like that quote from Patel in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not yet the end.”

It’s just enough hope to get me to take one step in front of the other. I’m not running or flying. I trust that everything will be okay. And it doesn’t have to be okay today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I won’t always feel this way

When you have a cold, it’s pretty uncomfortable, but when you know it’s a cold, and nothing more serious, you know it will pass in 5-7 days. Just knowing that it won’t be forever, kind of deflates it, and makes it more bearable.

When I’m having a strong emotion, or a lot of overwhelming emotions, I like to remind myself, “If I don’t resist this, it will pass. I won’t always feel this way.” When we resist feeling the emotions, they get stronger. When we tighten up against them, or push them under the surface, they grow. But when we relax into it, notice how it feels in our bodies, relax our shoulders and breathe into it, it doesn’t last that long.

Even if we resist it, at some point it blows out, or bubbles over. We won’t feel this way forever. For better or worse, our feelings are ever changing.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Make It a Good Day…Or Don’t

When I was in University, I had a boyfriend that instead of saying, “Have a good day!” would say, “Make it a good day!” I understood he was trying to say something like, “Good days don’t just happen, you make them happen.” Which, of course, is a concept that I really believe. However, whenever he would say this, I would think to myself, in a snarky voice, “YOU make it a good day yourself!”

Why did I feel so uptight when he would say this to me? I had this idea that it was kind of like a judgement. I had the ability to make it a good day, and if I didn’t there was something wrong with me.

Have you ever felt that way? Like, “good people are happy, and I’m not happy, so I must not be good”. Or maybe it sounds like this, “Good moms are happy, and I’m not happy, so I must not be a good mom, or at least the best mom I could be for my kids.”

One day I said to my coach, “It’s just so exhausting trying to be happy all of the time.” She said to me, “What if you didn’t HAVE to be happy all of the time?” What? Why wouldn’t I want to be happy?

Well, it’s a skill. With any other skill, it takes practice and effort. Sometimes we may want to put our effort into being happy when we’re having lots of negative thoughts and need to look at them and change them. Sometimes we may want to put our effort into making dinner, or taking care of our kids, or working on another goal.

Of course, those things are easier when we’re happy, BUT if you had to always be happy to do those things, you’d be spending a lot of your time and effort on being happy, and may not have time and effort left over.

So…make it a good day….or don’t. It doesn’t make you better or worse whatever choice you make. You’re still a worthwhile and very loved and treasured daughter of God EVEN if you choose to feel grumpy, or worried, or scared, overwhelmed all day.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Trust the process

Sometimes we want to get to the end of whatever we’re doing. Right.Now.

We think we’ll feel better on the other side.

So we push harder.

We do more.

We get there faster.

But then we stop and fall apart.

It doesn’t feel like we thought it would.

What if instead of pushing harder, we trusted harder?

What if instead of running faster, we slowed down and looked around?

What if we saw what was good right now?

Then we kept taking one step at-a-time.

That’s what trusting the process looks like.

It’s taking one step at a time, knowing you’ll reach the other side, but also knowing that it’s good right here. right now.

 

P.S. Want some help with finding out why it’s okay to be where you are, so you don’t have to rush so hard to get where you’re going? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

Thursday Thought: Just breathe.

I’m thinking of you today.

You who feels like the world is moving too fast and life is too heavy.

You who feels like you can’t quite get your feet under you.

You who feels that life is passing you by without being able to enjoy it.

I say to you, “Just breathe.”

Take a deep breath, and know that it’s going to be okay.

It won’t feel like this forever.

Breathe through this hard time, and you will feel joy in the future.

But it’s okay to not feel joy right now.

You don’t need to feel a certain way, or be a certain way, or do a certain way right now.

Just breathe.

 

P.S. Want to see how coaching can help you? Sign-up for a free one-on-one coaching session with me.

Long Baths And Cold Water

The other day, my son was taking a bath….for a long time. I asked him if the water had gotten cold, and he said, “It was getting cold, but then I got out to go potty, and it warmed up while I was out of the water, because when I got back in it was warm again.”

I realized it was only the contrast of the cold outside of the water, that made the water feel warmer. It hadn’t changed temperatures in the 30 seconds he was out of the water.

It made me wonder, “Are people who have had greater sadness, more able to feel greater happiness because of the greater contrast?” “Are people who have been in greater turmoil able to feel greater peace because of the contrast?”

So often we think we want to feel positive emotion all of the time, but if we did, it wouldn’t really even feel that good because we have nothing to compare it to. Maybe the next time we’re feeling frustrated, sad, despair instead of wishing we felt good instead, we could remind ourselves that when we feel uncomfortable sometimes, the positive emotions will feel that much better because of the contrast.

If you feel like you’ve been in the dark feelings too long, and want some help feeling the contrasting positive emotions, let me help you in a one-on-one coaching session! Sign-up here.

Thursday Thought: If life were easy, it wouldn’t be hard

Obviously! But why is that even helpful? I fell into a trap for awhile of thinking that life should be easy…if I was doing it right. If life was hard then I must be doing something wrong.

What if life is hard precisely because you’re doing something right? What if life is hard because you’re going through something that is stretching you and making you grow?

So, yes, “men are that they might have joy“. It’s something we want to seek after. But it’s not everything. There’s also “opposition in ALL things“. If life were easy, it wouldn’t be hard. If life is feeling extra hard right now, try asking yourself what you’re doing right that is making it so hard. Are you raising kids? Are you married? Are you trying to take care of your body? Are you trying to live righteously? If you’re trying, you’re doing something right, that makes life hard.

Want to talk to someone about what’s so hard in your life right now? Sign-up for a FREE 30 minute coaching session with me, and I’ll help you find at least one thing to help lighten your burden.

 

 

How Allowing Negative Emotion Can Actually Help You-This Isn’t an April Fool’s Joke

What does it mean to accept that 50% of the time you will have negative emotion, and 50% of the time you will have positive emotion? Why is this so powerful?

Even after we learn how to do thought work, and create the way we want to feel in different situations, we will always have new situations that we’ve never been in, or new circumstances that we’ve never thought about how we want to think ahead of time. This means we will default to whatever thoughts come. This means that we’ll always have times when we don’t feel or behave the way we would have had we decided ahead of time how we wanted to think, feel, and behave.

When we have these times of negative emotion, or behaving in ways that isn’t our best, if we think thoughts like, “It shouldn’t have happened that way,” or “I shouldn’t have felt that way,” or “I should have been different,” we’re using a lot of our brain power and effort fighting something we can’t change. It feels helpful because we think if we fight against it, then it will change. But when do you feel motivated to change? We feel motivated to avoid pain, or to feel good. Which motivation breeds long-term change? Feeling good. What if you stopped trying to avoid pain? What if you stopped trying to motivate yourself by avoiding pain? What if your motivation was to feel good in the long-term, which means you may have to feel some pain right now?

I can help you override your innate desire to avoid pain, so that you can seek the long-term feeling good in the way you want. Sign-up for a free mini-session and I can give you something to use right now.

Thursday Thought: What am I trying to control outside of me?

Have you ever been told you’re controlling? Do you feel angry even thinking about someone telling you you’re controlling? When someone says to me that I’m being controlling, I start to go into defense mode of how I’m just right. If people would let me control them, it would all be so much better, right?

If you’ve come up against this, I’m sure you’re aware, that we can’t control other people, or how they feel, or how they think, no matter if we think it would be better if we could. The only thing that happens is we’re uptight.

When you feel uptight, ask yourself, “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to control how someone acts, thinks, feels?” Take a deep breath, and bring it in. What do you really have control over? You can control how you think and feel about it/them. You can control how you react. You can control your breathing. You can control your words. Really you have so much control, so you can let go of the control of other people and situations. Isn’t that a relief?

If you want help figuring out how to let go of controlling others, and start controlling what’s going on inside, set up a free mini-session with me here.

Thursday Thought: I don’t have to make it all better

Why do we feel the need to make everyone feel good all of the time? Not everyone feels this, but I think it’s pretty prevalent. What would it be like for you if you were okay with someone not feeling okay? What if you were okay with someone not liking you? What if you just listened to others’ complaints, to your own complaints, and not try to fix it? What would that be like?

The next time someone is upset, or your upset, what if you decided you would just listen to their upset, or feel your own upset? What if you told yourself, “I don’t have to make it all better,”?