Thursday Thought: I’m always just a little wrinkly

I was clothes shopping with a friend, and I asked her how she would keep a jumper I was trying on non-wrinkly. Would she really iron it all of the time? She said, “Oh no, I’m just always a little wrinkly.”

A few days later, I was noticing myself feeling so down about all of my perceived short-comings, and this thought came to me, “I’m just always a little wrinkly.” It came to me in her tone of voice that said, “I love your wrinkles. You are just fine. You aren’t meant to be pristine and perfectly ironed. This life is all about having wrinkles and loving them, and loving other people’s wrinkles too. We’re all just a little bit wrinkly.”

I hope you can love your wrinkles today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Why We Don’t Reach Our Goals

Some immediate happiness or instant gratification is easy to see, such as: eating more food when we’re not hungry, but we’re working on a goal to lose weight; staying in bed instead of getting up to study the scriptures as we had planned; or watching a movie instead of working on a project we’re stuck on, but we want to get done.

Other instant gratification is trickier to see, such as: yelling at our kids instead of taking a breath and waiting until we’re calm to talk to them; gossiping about someone instead of staying silent or deciding to focus on the positive; or believing all of the thoughts that come to our brain instead of sifting through and deciding what we want to believe on purpose.

Long-term happiness or delayed gratification looks just the opposite. It’s not just doing what feels good and easy right now. It’s how we achieve our goals. It’s doing what might be hard and uncomfortable right now so that we can have it easier or better in the future.

Let’s not tell ourselves that we’re lazy or have something morally wrong with us when we choose immediate happiness over long-term happiness.

Remember we all have a lower human brain whose job it is to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and expend the least amount of energy possible. We also have a higher human brain whose job it is to delay pleasure and gratification for a more desirable result, lean into uncomfortable emotions and pain, and expend whatever energy is necessary to get what we really want.

There’s nothing wrong with us when we do what’s easy now instead of what’s hard. We’re just listening and following our lower brain instead of our higher brain. It’s totally fine. Let’s just like our reason, and make the decision consciously of whether to go for the immediate gratification or delayed gratification.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

When Is It My Thoughts, And When Is It The Spirit?

Have you ever heard someone say, “That was my depression talking,” or “That’s my anxiety talking,”? These phrases can be really helpful if we’re feeling like there’s something wrong with us because we feel depression or anxiety.

The other day, when the boys were in school, I was driving home from shopping, and I had the thought, “Something terrible is going to happen at 2pm. I need to go pick up the boys early from school.”

Have you ever had a thought like this and wondered if it was just your thoughts, or if it was the Spirit warning you to take action? This day, the more and more I thought this thought, the more frightened I felt. I could feel my heart racing, and my palms even started to get sweaty. I prayed, wondering if I was just freaking myself out, or if this was something I really needed to pay attention to.

The thought came to me, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace“. That’s not how I was feeling. I was feeling very afraid and urgent.

Of course, we all figure out how the Spirit speaks to us for ourselves. But I’ve had this question myself, and I’ve had others ask me, “How do I know when it’s my anxiety or depression speaking, and when it’s the Spirit?” I would ask you, “How does it make you feel?” Watch for this coming Thursday’s post for my go-to thought in this situation.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I’m the best one to take care of me

On Monday I shared how sometimes we want to blame others for our suffering.

If they would just say they loved me.

If they would just accept me the way I am.

If they would just support me in the things I want to do.

If they would just clean up after themselves.

When my brain gives me these thoughts and tells me I would feel better if someone else would change, I remind myself, “I’m the best one to take care of me.”

If I want someone to love me…I’m the best one to love me.

If I want someone to accept me…I’m the best one to accept me.

If I want someone to support me in the things I’m doing…I’m the best one to do that.

I’m also the best one to clean up after myself.

Think about what you wish someone else would say or do. Then you do or say it. Then thank yourself for being that one.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Love Is Not Blind

My friend shared this quote with me:

Love is not blind

It sees more, not less

But because it sees more

It is willing to see less

-Julius Gordon

Isn’t that how it is with people when we really feel love for them? Sometimes we don’t feel love with the people most important to us. We start to nit-pick. We see everything they’re doing wrong. We FOCUS on the 20% we don’t like, and DIMINISH the 80% we do like.

My mom told me another quote: Have your eyes fully open before marriage, and half-closed after marriage.

Of course, this can be applied to any important relationship. Just be sure when you’re eyes are half-closed that you direct your gaze at the positive. You can see it all and you know it’s all there, just choose to focus on what you do like. There are more steps to this. But this one step can make a huge difference.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Christ performed the Atonement NOT to free us from our sufferings, but to BE WITH us in our sufferings.

A woman in our ward said this thought in her talk the other week. It has been so profound to me, especially in thinking about empathy. Sometimes we go to people, or to God and ask them to take away our pain. That’s like going to the doctor and asking her to cut off our broken arm because it hurts. Sometimes that’s the answer, but most often the answer is to set it and let it heal.

It’s okay to suffer. In fact, suffering helps us become stronger, someone who can more easily have empathy for someone else, someone who appreciates happiness and peace more. It’s not comfortable. But it’s okay.

Nothing in life is about the end result. It’s about the growing we go through to get there. It’s not about having the pain of the broken arm go away; it’s about the broken arm healing. The pain going away is just a by-product.

How is Christ with us in our sufferings even when He doesn’t fully take it away?

How can we be with others in their sufferings without having to take it away?

 

P.S. If you like what you’re reading, you’d love being coached. Just one session can open your eyes to your life in a totally new way, and it’s free! Sign-up for a free session of coaching and see how it will change your life.

We Aren’t Meant to Suffer Alone

A woman in our ward gave a talk on Easter about Christ. She said, “Christ performed the Atonement NOT to FREE us from our sufferings, but to BE WITH us in our sufferings.”

In the depths of depression, I remember praying so hard, “Please take this from me. I can’t handle it anymore.” But He didn’t. I got up from the prayer feeling just as depressed as before. My heart was softened, though, to share my suffering with someone else. It didn’t go away, but I found reassurance that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I wasn’t somehow broken.

I don’t think we are meant to suffer alone. Sometimes we may open up to someone hoping they can make us feel better, and then when they don’t, because they can’t, we feel disappointed and broken. Let me offer, though, that you open up to someone, not so they can free you from your suffering, but just so you don’t have to suffer alone.

As a coach, I can’t take away your suffering, but I can teach you tools, that will help you end your own suffering. I can also be with you and listen. Sign-up for a free coaching session here. But if you don’t sign-up, find someone to share your suffering with, not someone to take it away, but someone to share it with.

Thursday Thought: How do I choose to think about that time of my life?

I tend to think about my life in chunks of experiences. There were my childhood years, my teenage years, my years in university, my time on my mission, my working years, my time being married without kids, my time being married with kids at home. What chunks of time do you break your life into? What do you think about these different periods of time in your life?

Some ways I think about these different times in my life are: That was a really hard time in my life. I had a happy childhood. I was more spiritual then. I thought I was doing well, but really I didn’t realize what was really going on.

Did you know that everything you think about these times of your life are optional? AND the way you think about different experiences or times of your life can be helpful or hindering?

For example, if you think, “That was a really hard time in my life.” That could give you a feeling of accomplishment, or it could give you a feeling that something is wrong with you.

Think about how you want to think about different experiences you’ve had. Does it make you feel shame, broken, unaccomplished, unmotivated? Or does it make you feel proud, humble, grateful, empowered?

As always, if you want help exploring how you’re viewing your past, sign-up for a free coaching session. I will help you see how the way you view your past is helping your hindering you, and how frame it all so that it will help you get to where you want to be.

 

 

I’m a mess!

Last week, I wrote about creating with a toddler. Because I’m a life coach, I’m very tempted to hide the mess my toddler makes. I get really upset with my toddler, and think I should be able to control her so that she doesn’t make any messes.

When I was deep in depression, I spent so much time being angry with the toddler inside of me. I didn’t want her to be there. I didn’t want any of her mess. I thought once I grew up, I wouldn’t have the toddler anymore. What I’m working on is loving her, even loving her messes.

Her (my) messes don’t look professional. Sometimes people get hurt stepping through her (my) messes. Her (my) messes are not pretty.

I’m writing to tell you, I’m still a mess, but in all of that mess, I’m creating things I didn’t even know I could create. It’s so fun! Sometimes my toddler, primitive brain, tells me to be scared, to stop trying, that my creation is ugly, or doesn’t look how it “should”. But when I really focus on creating, and love the toddler inside of me, and her (my) mess, it’s invigorating. We can never totally get rid of the mess, but I can teach you how to love it, embrace it, and create amazing things in the midst of it. Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started!

Life is Just Creating With A Toddler

I feel like my brain is expanding more and more about how we create EVERYTHING in our lives. Most often we don’t get to choose the materials we create with. I’m imagining sitting in a the living room with a toddler. We’ve been given the same materials to create with. The toddler is mostly making a mess, and every now and then gets something simple that looks alright.

I’m next to the toddler trying to create what I “should”. Sometimes I look at the mess the toddler is making and kind of give up working on my creation. What’s the use? I can’t get the toddler under control, and her stuff is making my stuff not look the way it “should”.

Sometimes I scold the toddler about how bad of a job she’s doing. When people come to see what I’m creating, I try to hide the mess the toddler is making. I try to keep it short and not let them get too close to see all of the mess.

I think that I should be able to control the toddler. I think there shouldn’t be a mess. It should just be my creation.

Sometimes I look at the materials someone else was given and think, “If I had the materials they were given I could do a better job.”

Sometimes it looks like their toddler isn’t making any mess. Some people have really rambunctious toddlers and I judge them, thinking, “You should really keep your toddler under control, then you wouldn’t have such a big mess.” I think I could handle their toddler better than they are, or that I could do better than they are with the materials they have.

The materials we are given are our circumstances. The toddler is our primitive brain. We are our higher brain.

We spend SO much time just wishing we could have different materials, circumstances. We spend so much time wishing we didn’t have a toddler, primitive brain, to work with. We spend so much energy judging our mess, judging our neighbour’s mess.

How much better would we feel, how much more would we create, if we stopped focusing on the mess and focused on the creation in front of us? How much better would we feel if we stopped wishing we had different circumstances to work with and just got to creating with what we had? What if we stopped asking outside of us what we “should” create, and thought about what we WANT to create?

I have this strong belief that if we all just created what we could with what we had our lives would be amazing, and we would all enrich each other. But sometimes we’re just so focused on the mess, or we’re so afraid of what others will think of our creation, that we create small, or we don’t create what we love.

What do you want to create? Sign-up for a free mini-session with me, and I’ll give you a powerful tool to help you on your way.