If You’re Worried About Your Child’s Choices, Read On

When I think about being a parent, or a leader, or having responsibility over another human being, I have this image in my mind of a circus stadium. We’re all on tightropes holding onto those long poles tightrope walkers use to help with balance.

I imagine my child, or anyone else I’m concerned about, on the tightrope behind me. When I’m worried, I keep looking over my shoulder to see how they’re doing. I want so badly to grab ahold of them and keep them from falling.

The problem is, I can’t balance myself AND hold onto them. When I do try to reach back, we both fall.

However, there’s always a net underneath us to catch us. It’s actually kind of hard to get out of the net and back up, but the more you do it, the easier it is.

There’s another tightrope walker above all of the rest of us. He is Jesus Christ. He knows how to walk and balance perfectly. He is always showing us. And when we ask him, he can give us individual advice.

The way I imagine this, is the best way to show my child or anyone else how to tightrope walk, is to be doing it myself. I realize I don’t do it perfectly, and I don’t have all of the answers for them to do it perfectly. But I can tell them what I learn AS I’m doing it.

Most importantly, I can ask Heavenly Father and Jesus for help, and I can point my child to them, too.

I never have to be afraid of my child falling. In fact, I expect them to fall over and over. But I know it’s not a problem because there is always a safety net. And Heavenly Father is always watching and available to help.

When I really trust Him, I can trust myself more, and I can trust my child and others more.

It’s exhausting and distracting to always be trying to change other people. When we’re focused on our own growth, then we can share what we learn with others, AND we can let go of them learning it. Maybe they’ll listen. Maybe they won’t. But we’ll be doing it out of love, not out of fear.

Our children are going to mess up. Maybe the most growth comes from them and us figuring out how to get back up.

P.S. If you’d like help letting go and trusting more in ANY relationship, please sign-up for a FREE 45-minute Consultation. We can go over your specific concerns, and you’ll go away with an individualized plan of action. I believe you have the answers inside of you. I just help you pull them out. Sign-up now!

When you feel like you’re drowning, here’s step 2…

The second step, when you feel like you’re drowning, is to question your thoughts. “No one is helping me.” Is that true? Can I be 100% sure that that is true? How is it not true? “Someone IS helping me.” Is that true? Can I be 100% sure it’s NOT true?

We are always learning. That’s what life is about. Sometimes we forget that we’re not supposed to know how to do “it” yet. We’re not supposed to have “it” figured out. We’re in a swimming lesson, and we’ve gotten in the water. The deepest water we go in is only up to our necks, but when we’re on our stomachs trying to swim, it can feel like we’re drowning.

When we give in to our thoughts that the only option is to feel like we’re drowning, flail our arms harder, or to sink to the bottom, we forget that we can just stand up and notice that we’re not drowning. We’re not failing. We’re not alone. We ARE measuring up. It’s not even possible to ruin our kids. We don’t HAVE to do anything. We CAN do something.

Sometimes it can be tricky to see that the water isn’t deep enough for us to drown. It’s helpful to have someone who’s not in the water with you to see what’s going on, and why you feel like you’re drowning.

It really helps to talk to someone else. Someone who has been there and come out, or someone who just sees things from a different perspective. It’s not helpful to talk to someone who will believe all of your thoughts that are causing you to feel like you’re drowning, though. So just watch for that.

So, when you feel like you’re drowning, the first step is to just get out of your brain and the spinning thoughts, and get into your body. Where do you feel drowning?

Then notice your thoughts, and question them. This is where you can put your feet down and notice that you can reach the bottom of the pool and still breathe.

P.S. As a coach, I stay out of the water. I’ve been in the water, and I know what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning. But I don’t get in the water with you. I stay out so I can clearly see what’s going on for you. If you’re interested in seeing what it’s like to talk with a coach sign-up for a free 45-minute Consultation.

When you feel like you’re drowning, here’s step 1…

I think most of us have felt this way, or perhaps are in the thick of it. The thing with feeling like you’re drowning, is that it’s hard to trust that you’re not going to actually drown. You’re not like, “Oh, I know I feel this way now, but I won’t feel this way forever.” You’re like, “I feel like I’m drowning, and I’m either going to feel this way forever, OR I’m actually going to drown.”

What does it mean to drown? It’s important that you know what your brain is telling you. For me, to drown means that I’ll fall into a deep depression and not be able to get out of bed, and become a burden to my family. For some of my clients, to drown means taking their own lives, or hurting their children. For others of my clients, to drown means to fail at their goals, or their purpose in life.

No matter what to drown means to you, it feels very scary when your brain is telling you that your only options are to feel like you’re drowning, or to actually drown.

What I want to offer to you is that drowning is an emotion. It’s a feeling. Feelings are sensations in our bodies created by thoughts in our brains. When we feel like we’re drowning, it’s because we are believing thoughts in our brains, which then sends sensations to parts of our bodies. It’s NOT created by our circumstances.

Don’t think I’m saying, “It’s not real, this feeling of drowning.” It’s for sure real. But the good news is that it’s created by thoughts. The thoughts may feel true, but they’re actually optional.

What are some of these thoughts? I’m failing at everything. I’m ruining my kids. I’ll never measure up. No one is helping me. I’m all alone. I have to do everything. I can’t do this.

The thoughts may be different for each of us, but the first step is to notice where we feel the emotion of drowning. Is it in your chest, arms, stomach, feet? Is it heavy or light? Is it fast or slow? Is it open or closed?

For example, I feel drowning as a heavy weight on my chest. I also feel a constriction in the top of my throat. It’s slow and closed. I also feel it in the top part of my arms as a sensation that’s in between burning and super cold. You know when you touch some metal and for a split second you’re not sure if it’s hot or cold? It also feels like a clenching throughout my whole body.

When I figure out where it is, I relax into it. I relax my shoulders. I take deep breaths. I like to close my eyes. I like to welcome the feeling as if I was just wearing a really tight body suit.

Right about now, my brain wants to freak out and say I’m going to die. I remind myself that it can’t kill me. It’s just an emotion created by sentences in my brain.

When you feel like you’re drowning imagine when you’re trying to teach a toddler to float. You have them lie on their back and you hold their head above the water, and maybe even their back. Some toddlers hate this and they’ll squirm and turn over and flail their arms. But when they really trust you and hold still and relax, they will start to float.

This is what we’re doing with feeling the emotion. Relax into it. Breathe deeply. Shut off your brain that’s telling you you’re going to drown. Trust that this emotion can’t kill you. As long as you are flailing your arms and saying you don’t want to feel it, you will continue to feel it. As the saying goes, “What you resist, persists.”

P.S. If you want help with this exercise, set up a Free 45-minute Consultation. I would be happy to walk you through it. Relax my friend. I’ve got you!

Why You Should Celebrate Failure

Have you ever been working toward a goal, and then you come to that point where the newness and excitement wear off, and it feels a little bit more like drudgery? Maybe you’ve slipped up a few times, or even just given up.

Our first inclination at this time is to chalk it up to one more failed try. Or maybe you do what I do, and you just put your head down, and keep plowing through, but with no real feeling of accomplishment.

At these times, we can get really down. We can think things like, “What am I doing? Why am I even trying? I should just give up.” These are not very motivating, and it makes it harder to try again, or try something new.

I want to suggest that what you do instead is notice what you DID do. If you’ve failed, it means you tried. Really let that sink in. If you FAILED, that means you TRIED.

You tried! You were willing to be vulnerable. You were willing to mess up.

You may say, “What’s the point of trying if you’re just going to fail?” What do YOU think? What’s the alternative?

Just two reasons I’ll give you are: 1) when you try something new you are increasing neural pathways, and your brain is actually growing. EVEN IF you’re terrible at it! 2) You never know how this experience will help you later on in life. For sure something you learn from this experience will help you in another experience in life, if only to empathize with someone else.

So, if getting down on yourself is demotivating you, notice what you have learned, and appreciate your efforts, and see what you HAVE done and CELEBRATE it!

Who doesn’t love to be praised? And the most powerful praise comes from yourself, because you always know what you want to hear.

Sometimes it can be hard to find any good in your failure. If you want some help, please sign-up for a FREE one-on-one Consultation Session/Coaching Session with me. It can be scary sharing what you view as a failure, but I create a safe space and environment for you to do just that. I will help you see what you can celebrate about your failure, and how it can then motivate you to either keep going, or to try something new. Sign-up today!

How to Stop the Overwhelm

Today I have a free course for you on how to stop feeling so overwhelmed. Sometimes there is something big going on in our lives, so we think it makes sense to feel overwhelmed. Other times, it seems like from the outside looking in, we “shouldn’t” be overwhelmed, so we’re confused or upset about it. Either way, the information I share with you in this video will help you!

After watching the video, sign-up for a FREE Intro Session with me. We can go over any questions you have, if you’re not sure how to apply it to yourself. Or I can just go through the steps with you, if you just don’t want to do it on your own.

Click here to get the video and companion worksheet.