Thursday Thought: Maybe it’s supposed to be challenging.

Life is challenging. Can I get an ‘Amen’? I feel like there’s a lot of marketing telling us that it doesn’t need to be challenging. That we deserve to have it easy and fun.

This really feeds into how our brains naturally function. Two of its main goals are to expend the least amount of energy and seek pleasure.

I’m all for trying to make things easier and more enjoyable. But the biggest problem I see is when things in our lives feel really hard, heavy, and uncomfortable we think something has gone wrong, or we’re doing something wrong.

We think, “This isn’t fair.” or “If I could just be better, this wouldn’t be so hard.”

What if those thoughts just weren’t true? What if “this” situation, whatever it is for you or me, IS supposed to be challenging for YOU or ME.

What if it was okay that it was challenging? What if we were like a soccer player, who was used to being the best player on her team, but now she’s been moved to a better team? Now is supposed to be challenging, and it’s okay.

Don’t listen to your brain when it tells you there’s something wrong because it’s difficult. For sure, don’t listen to the lie that if you were somehow better or different that “this” wouldn’t be challenging.

Maybe it’s okay if “this” is challenging.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I’m always just a little wrinkly

I was clothes shopping with a friend, and I asked her how she would keep a jumper I was trying on non-wrinkly. Would she really iron it all of the time? She said, “Oh no, I’m just always a little wrinkly.”

A few days later, I was noticing myself feeling so down about all of my perceived short-comings, and this thought came to me, “I’m just always a little wrinkly.” It came to me in her tone of voice that said, “I love your wrinkles. You are just fine. You aren’t meant to be pristine and perfectly ironed. This life is all about having wrinkles and loving them, and loving other people’s wrinkles too. We’re all just a little bit wrinkly.”

I hope you can love your wrinkles today.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Why We Don’t Reach Our Goals

Some immediate happiness or instant gratification is easy to see, such as: eating more food when we’re not hungry, but we’re working on a goal to lose weight; staying in bed instead of getting up to study the scriptures as we had planned; or watching a movie instead of working on a project we’re stuck on, but we want to get done.

Other instant gratification is trickier to see, such as: yelling at our kids instead of taking a breath and waiting until we’re calm to talk to them; gossiping about someone instead of staying silent or deciding to focus on the positive; or believing all of the thoughts that come to our brain instead of sifting through and deciding what we want to believe on purpose.

Long-term happiness or delayed gratification looks just the opposite. It’s not just doing what feels good and easy right now. It’s how we achieve our goals. It’s doing what might be hard and uncomfortable right now so that we can have it easier or better in the future.

Let’s not tell ourselves that we’re lazy or have something morally wrong with us when we choose immediate happiness over long-term happiness.

Remember we all have a lower human brain whose job it is to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and expend the least amount of energy possible. We also have a higher human brain whose job it is to delay pleasure and gratification for a more desirable result, lean into uncomfortable emotions and pain, and expend whatever energy is necessary to get what we really want.

There’s nothing wrong with us when we do what’s easy now instead of what’s hard. We’re just listening and following our lower brain instead of our higher brain. It’s totally fine. Let’s just like our reason, and make the decision consciously of whether to go for the immediate gratification or delayed gratification.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Maybe Happiness Isn’t the Goal

There’s this song that has always made me feel a little uneasy. It says, “Choose the right way, and be happy, I must always choose the right.” As I type this, I realize there are many ways to interpret that thought. But this is an example of what I was talking about on Monday when I said that one thought does not fit everyone.

The way my brain interprets this song is that if you do what is “right”, you will feel happy. This is a dangerous thought for a lot of us, because then if we don’t feel happy, we tell ourselves we must be doing something wrong.

The problem is that happiness doesn’t come from our actions. Happiness comes from our thoughts. You can do everything “right” and still feel unhappy because of your thoughts about it.

What if happiness isn’t the goal? What if we stopped using how happy we are as an indicator of how moral we are, or how well we’re doing at life? What if the goal were actually to feel all ranges of emotion….happy, sad, anxious, depressed, loving, dislike, emotional, excited? What if you’re doing it “right” when you feel all of these things?

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I get to believe whatever I want to about myself

What do you think about yourself? I want you to get a piece of paper and write down the story you believe about yourself.

Your brain is going to tell you that this story is true. I want to offer to you that it is just a story. Think about a woman that stays in an abusive relationship because she tells herself that she doesn’t deserve any better. Is her story true? Of course not. Of course she deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

Did you know you get to believe whatever you want to about yourself? I give you permission right now. 

Now write the story you WANT to believe about yourself. What if it’s possible that this story is just as true as your original story? I’m telling you it is. Right now. Tell me how it is already true.
P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: He won’t let me miss the warning

On Monday I posted about an experience I had about wondering whether a “warning” was the Spirit speaking to me, or if it was my thoughts. Check it out if you’re interested. My go-to thought in this situation is, “He won’t let me miss the warning.”

I believe that if there is anything that would change my life, or anyone I have responsibility for, in an irreparable way, Heavenly Father will make sure I know He is talking to me. He is in charge. We are like children who think we’re doing all of the work of making dinner when we pour the water into the rice pot.

If my kids were in danger that day, and if I was supposed to go pick them up early, I believe Heavenly Father would have made sure I knew He was talking to me, especially as I was trying to be in-tune. This puts my mind at ease, and helps me trust the impressions I get, and gives me space to learn how to recognize the Spirit more clearly. What thoughts help you recognize the Spirit in your life?

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

When Is It My Thoughts, And When Is It The Spirit?

Have you ever heard someone say, “That was my depression talking,” or “That’s my anxiety talking,”? These phrases can be really helpful if we’re feeling like there’s something wrong with us because we feel depression or anxiety.

The other day, when the boys were in school, I was driving home from shopping, and I had the thought, “Something terrible is going to happen at 2pm. I need to go pick up the boys early from school.”

Have you ever had a thought like this and wondered if it was just your thoughts, or if it was the Spirit warning you to take action? This day, the more and more I thought this thought, the more frightened I felt. I could feel my heart racing, and my palms even started to get sweaty. I prayed, wondering if I was just freaking myself out, or if this was something I really needed to pay attention to.

The thought came to me, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace“. That’s not how I was feeling. I was feeling very afraid and urgent.

Of course, we all figure out how the Spirit speaks to us for ourselves. But I’ve had this question myself, and I’ve had others ask me, “How do I know when it’s my anxiety or depression speaking, and when it’s the Spirit?” I would ask you, “How does it make you feel?” Watch for this coming Thursday’s post for my go-to thought in this situation.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: I’m the best one to take care of me

On Monday I shared how sometimes we want to blame others for our suffering.

If they would just say they loved me.

If they would just accept me the way I am.

If they would just support me in the things I want to do.

If they would just clean up after themselves.

When my brain gives me these thoughts and tells me I would feel better if someone else would change, I remind myself, “I’m the best one to take care of me.”

If I want someone to love me…I’m the best one to love me.

If I want someone to accept me…I’m the best one to accept me.

If I want someone to support me in the things I’m doing…I’m the best one to do that.

I’m also the best one to clean up after myself.

Think about what you wish someone else would say or do. Then you do or say it. Then thank yourself for being that one.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Thursday Thought: Imperfections do not make us inadequate, they make us human

Raise your hand if you feel like your imperfections make you inadequate. I’m not talking about little imperfections, the ones we don’t mind so much sharing with others. I’m talking imperfections that bring you shame. This will be different for everyone, but here are a few that I have or have heard from my clients:

I yell at my kids.

I don’t pray and read my scriptures every day (or week…or month…)

My child hasn’t learned…how to read…regulate his/her emotions…use the potty…make friends…anything we think, if we had taught them effectively, they would have learned by now. (Notice how this isn’t even about us, but we make it mean there’s something wrong with us.)

I don’t like having sex with my husband.

I’ve gained 30 pounds in the last 6 months.

I gossip about my family.

It goes like this, “I (insert imperfection that causes shame), therefore, I’m not a fit human being.”

Try, “I (imperfection), therefore, I AM a human being.” Welcome.

Let’s remind ourselves and each other, “Imperfections don’t make us inadequate; they make us human.” Remember that’s why we needed Jesus Christ. It’s all part of The Plan.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!

Love Is Not Blind

My friend shared this quote with me:

Love is not blind

It sees more, not less

But because it sees more

It is willing to see less

-Julius Gordon

Isn’t that how it is with people when we really feel love for them? Sometimes we don’t feel love with the people most important to us. We start to nit-pick. We see everything they’re doing wrong. We FOCUS on the 20% we don’t like, and DIMINISH the 80% we do like.

My mom told me another quote: Have your eyes fully open before marriage, and half-closed after marriage.

Of course, this can be applied to any important relationship. Just be sure when you’re eyes are half-closed that you direct your gaze at the positive. You can see it all and you know it’s all there, just choose to focus on what you do like. There are more steps to this. But this one step can make a huge difference.

P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!