Thursday Thought: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with concepts, such as money and time. If time were a person, what would my relationship with Time be like? How do I think about this person TIME?

Some of my thoughts I’ve had about Time are: she’s never enough; I never have fun with her; I never get to take a break with her; She is controlling me; I need to control her. If I thought these things about a friend, I wouldn’t feel like we were very good friends.

I try to think these thoughts about Time: She’s always enough; I make sure I have fun with her sometimes; I plan with her so that I can work, play, relax, learn, and do all of the things I want to do with her.

I came up with this thought with a client I was working with: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun. If you feel like it’s really true that you don’t have enough time, try It’s possible, I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun.

Sign-up for a free coaching session, and I will help you create a more relaxed relationship with time.

Struggling with a Transition? Read on…

This is a picture of my Grandma and me just before I left on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This was one of the times I remember really struggling with a transition to something new. The day I entered the Missionary Training Center, I thought I felt good, but looking back I realize I just didn’t feel bad. I actually didn’t feel anything. Feeling nothing was better than feeling scared, right?

That first night all of the new missionaries came together for a special meeting with the Mission President. The closing song was “Lord, I Would Follow Thee”. During the hymn I started crying, which was fine until I realized it was becoming uncontrollable. I was in the second row to the front, right where I felt like everyone sitting at the front of the meeting could see me. As we were dismissed, I hurried into the hall, but I wasn’t alone. The Mission President’s wife followed me and hurried me into the first door she could find, which happened to be the custodial closet. She put her arm around me and asked, “Is everything in your life in order?” I was mortified. She thought I was crying because I had done something that I needed to repent of. I don’t blame her. Why else would I be crying so uncontrollably in a public place?

What I didn’t know then, but that I know now, is that big transitions are really hard for me because I have a lot of practiced thoughts about doing new things. I thinkĀ  thoughts such as: I should know how to do this; Mistakes are bad; Everyone else knows what they’re doing; Others won’t like me if I do this wrong; I’m the only one that doesn’t know what’s going on; I have to do this right.

I’ve never really even articulated those thoughts as what causes my pain. But when I write them down, I can see why they would create so much fear. Thoughts I’m practicing now during transitions are: I don’t need to know how to do this yet, that’s what I’m figuring out; If I already knew how to do this, I would have already done it; Everyone has to figure this out for themselves; No one is born knowing how to do this; I’m willing to do it wrong; There’s probably someone else who would benefit by me asking a question or getting clarification. If you’re struggling through something new, notice what you’re thinking, and try on some of these thoughts.

If you would like some one-on-one help, sign-up for a free coaching session with me. I’ll help you understand what’s so hard, and how to help yourself through it.

 

I’m a mess!

Last week, I wrote about creating with a toddler. Because I’m a life coach, I’m very tempted to hide the mess my toddler makes. I get really upset with my toddler, and think I should be able to control her so that she doesn’t make any messes.

When I was deep in depression, I spent so much time being angry with the toddler inside of me. I didn’t want her to be there. I didn’t want any of her mess. I thought once I grew up, I wouldn’t have the toddler anymore. What I’m working on is loving her, even loving her messes.

Her (my) messes don’t look professional. Sometimes people get hurt stepping through her (my) messes. Her (my) messes are not pretty.

I’m writing to tell you, I’m still a mess, but in all of that mess, I’m creating things I didn’t even know I could create. It’s so fun! Sometimes my toddler, primitive brain, tells me to be scared, to stop trying, that my creation is ugly, or doesn’t look how it “should”. But when I really focus on creating, and love the toddler inside of me, and her (my) mess, it’s invigorating. We can never totally get rid of the mess, but I can teach you how to love it, embrace it, and create amazing things in the midst of it. Sign-up for a free mini-session to get started!

Thursday Thought: If life were easy, it wouldn’t be hard

Obviously! But why is that even helpful? I fell into a trap for awhile of thinking that life should be easy…if I was doing it right. If life was hard then I must be doing something wrong.

What if life is hard precisely because you’re doing something right? What if life is hard because you’re going through something that is stretching you and making you grow?

So, yes, “men are that they might have joy“. It’s something we want to seek after. But it’s not everything. There’s also “opposition in ALL things“. If life were easy, it wouldn’t be hard. If life is feeling extra hard right now, try asking yourself what you’re doing right that is making it so hard. Are you raising kids? Are you married? Are you trying to take care of your body? Are you trying to live righteously? If you’re trying, you’re doing something right, that makes life hard.

Want to talk to someone about what’s so hard in your life right now? Sign-up for a FREE 30 minute coaching session with me, and I’ll help you find at least one thing to help lighten your burden.

 

 

Life is Just Creating With A Toddler

I feel like my brain is expanding more and more about how we create EVERYTHING in our lives. Most often we don’t get to choose the materials we create with. I’m imagining sitting in a the living room with a toddler. We’ve been given the same materials to create with. The toddler is mostly making a mess, and every now and then gets something simple that looks alright.

I’m next to the toddler trying to create what I “should”. Sometimes I look at the mess the toddler is making and kind of give up working on my creation. What’s the use? I can’t get the toddler under control, and her stuff is making my stuff not look the way it “should”.

Sometimes I scold the toddler about how bad of a job she’s doing. When people come to see what I’m creating, I try to hide the mess the toddler is making. I try to keep it short and not let them get too close to see all of the mess.

I think that I should be able to control the toddler. I think there shouldn’t be a mess. It should just be my creation.

Sometimes I look at the materials someone else was given and think, “If I had the materials they were given I could do a better job.”

Sometimes it looks like their toddler isn’t making any mess. Some people have really rambunctious toddlers and I judge them, thinking, “You should really keep your toddler under control, then you wouldn’t have such a big mess.” I think I could handle their toddler better than they are, or that I could do better than they are with the materials they have.

The materials we are given are our circumstances. The toddler is our primitive brain. We are our higher brain.

We spend SO much time just wishing we could have different materials, circumstances. We spend so much time wishing we didn’t have a toddler, primitive brain, to work with. We spend so much energy judging our mess, judging our neighbour’s mess.

How much better would we feel, how much more would we create, if we stopped focusing on the mess and focused on the creation in front of us? How much better would we feel if we stopped wishing we had different circumstances to work with and just got to creating with what we had? What if we stopped asking outside of us what we “should” create, and thought about what we WANT to create?

I have this strong belief that if we all just created what we could with what we had our lives would be amazing, and we would all enrich each other. But sometimes we’re just so focused on the mess, or we’re so afraid of what others will think of our creation, that we create small, or we don’t create what we love.

What do you want to create? Sign-up for a free mini-session with me, and I’ll give you a powerful tool to help you on your way.

 

Thursday Thought: The answers aren’t out there, they’re inside of me.

Do you ever feel like there’s so much that you need to read or listen to? It’s like if you could read, listen, and watch it all you’re sure your life would be better. Yet, you can’t seem to stay on top of it all? It seems like when this happens that we would just get on it and read and watch and listen and apply all of it.

Have you noticed how the opposite happens? Maybe you do read and listen to a lot of things, but there seems to always be more coming your way. Someone else is telling you about something amazing that has helped them in some way. You don’t have time to actually apply what you learn. You feel like you’re being so productive, but nothing seems to be changing.

I want to offer the reason this happens is because you have two thoughts: 1-I’m going to miss out on something important that will change my life; 2-THE answer I need is out there.

In this period of time, when there is SO much information available to us, I want to offer to you: 1-It’s not possible to miss out on something you NEED to know. You will come across information you need at the perfect time. 2-THE answers are inside of you. You may come across information, but it’s not useful to you until you make it your own, and you interpret it inside.

I am really good at helping you find your own answers inside of you. If you’ve ever wondered if coaching could help you, sign-up for a free 30-minute session, where I’ll help you tap into your inner wisdom to find answers you’re looking for.

How Allowing Negative Emotion Can Actually Help You-This Isn’t an April Fool’s Joke

What does it mean to accept that 50% of the time you will have negative emotion, and 50% of the time you will have positive emotion? Why is this so powerful?

Even after we learn how to do thought work, and create the way we want to feel in different situations, we will always have new situations that we’ve never been in, or new circumstances that we’ve never thought about how we want to think ahead of time. This means we will default to whatever thoughts come. This means that we’ll always have times when we don’t feel or behave the way we would have had we decided ahead of time how we wanted to think, feel, and behave.

When we have these times of negative emotion, or behaving in ways that isn’t our best, if we think thoughts like, “It shouldn’t have happened that way,” or “I shouldn’t have felt that way,” or “I should have been different,” we’re using a lot of our brain power and effort fighting something we can’t change. It feels helpful because we think if we fight against it, then it will change. But when do you feel motivated to change? We feel motivated to avoid pain, or to feel good. Which motivation breeds long-term change? Feeling good. What if you stopped trying to avoid pain? What if you stopped trying to motivate yourself by avoiding pain? What if your motivation was to feel good in the long-term, which means you may have to feel some pain right now?

I can help you override your innate desire to avoid pain, so that you can seek the long-term feeling good in the way you want. Sign-up for a free mini-session and I can give you something to use right now.

Thursday Thought: What IS working?

We’ve been trying to figure out a health condition with my son. It has been going on for 5 years now. My brain likes to tell me that is a really long time, and we should have it figured out by now. Each time we have a “set-back” I quickly go to despair. I watched someone else get coached on a chronic health condition. She kept saying, “It’s not working.” The coach asked her, “What is working?” It totally changed everything! It changed the focus on what wasn’t working to what was working. Maybe something that WAS working isn’t working anymore. But what’s working now?

Ask this question with any problem you’re facing. How does it change your perspective?

I’d love to hear about it! Book a free mini-session with me here.

Thursday Thought: What in my life is exactly how it should be?

Have you ever had the thought, “This isn’t the way my life was supposed to be?” I was swimming deep in this thought last weekend. I was actually doing thought work on it, but didn’t seem to be making much headway. I was writing down all of the thoughts that came to me about how my life SHOULD be different. Then I was going through and disproving each one. I was feeling pretty miserable, as you can imagine with all of those negative thoughts swimming around. Steve suggested that maybe it was making it worse thinking of all that was going wrong, that maybe I should write things I was grateful for.

I started a page and wrote, “What in my life is exactly how it should be?” Then I started answering that question. Sometimes we can look individually at each negative thought to disprove it, and sometimes we can just turn around the negative question and see that it’s still 50/50. Nothing is all bad. Nothing is all good. It’s always somewhere in the middle.

I give you a challenge to get out some paper and write this question on the top and answer it. What did you experience?

I’d love to hear about your experience! Sign-up for a free mini-session of coaching with me.

Do You Like Your Reason?

Or as Carrie Roberts put it in her recent BYU devotional, “Discover your why.” We so often do things without even thinking about why.

On a recent trip, my flight was re-routed to a different airport. Because of the interruption, the airline gave us snack boxes to tide us over while we waited for a new plane. I had a thought of just keeping my box until I was hungry later. Then I sat down next to a much more experienced coach. She broke into her box and started eating the snacks. Without thinking too much about why, I started eating my box of snacks, even though I wasn’t even hungry.

As I reflected later on why I had done this, I realized that because I looked up to this coach I decided to delegate all of my decision making to her. I would just do what she was doing. It’s so silly, but how often do we do this? Instead of thinking for ourselves and deciding what we want to do and why, we just follow someone else, or look for answers outside of us.

Think of something you do often, maybe every day. It may even be something you think is good, but do you like your reason for doing it? If you like what you’re doing, but you don’t like your reason, can you come up with a reason you like?

Leave a comment and let me know some of your reasons you like.