During my darkest days, I remember distinctly an evening when I was having an argument with my husband and he said to me, “I’m not going to talk to you if you keep talking the way you are. You’re being disrespectful.” I honestly was shocked by what he had said. I didn’t think I was being disrespectful at all. I felt like I was just stating the facts. I thought and thought on this for a few days. Finally, I tried to see it from his point of view. It was quite humbling. I realized, I thought that because I had thoughts and feelings, it was fine for me to tell them all to him without editing.
I realized that I hadn’t even thought of how he was feeling. I was so engulfed and overwhelmed by my own thoughts and feelings, that I couldn’t even consider his.
I know I was just being human when I was so engulfed in my own problems, but I’m grateful that my husband was willing to say something to me. It must have taken great courage, as I know he loved me and was concerned for me.
I love this quote by the apostle, Elder David A. Bednar, when talking about the character of Christ:
Perhaps the greatest indicator of character is the capacity to recognize and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge or adversity that is most immediately and forcefully pressing upon us. Character is revealed, for example, in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering…
It can be tricky to know how to take care of ourselves while still recognizing we are not the only ones suffering. But I wanted to share this with you in case you are increasing your suffering by blaming others for not taking it away. When we blame others, we are disconnecting from them, which increases our own suffering.
P.S. If you like these posts and are interested in getting some more personal help with your struggles or seeing your amazingness. I’d love for you to sign-up for a free coaching session. You don’t have to come prepared or have anything necessarily to say. I will ask you questions and guide you the whole time. I’d love to meet you!