Thursday Thought: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with concepts, such as money and time. If time were a person, what would my relationship with Time be like? How do I think about this person TIME?

Some of my thoughts I’ve had about Time are: she’s never enough; I never have fun with her; I never get to take a break with her; She is controlling me; I need to control her. If I thought these things about a friend, I wouldn’t feel like we were very good friends.

I try to think these thoughts about Time: She’s always enough; I make sure I have fun with her sometimes; I plan with her so that I can work, play, relax, learn, and do all of the things I want to do with her.

I came up with this thought with a client I was working with: I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun. If you feel like it’s really true that you don’t have enough time, try It’s possible, I have plenty of time to do what I need to, and there’s time left over for fun.

Sign-up for a free coaching session, and I will help you create a more relaxed relationship with time.

Thursday Thought: I don’t have to make it all better

Why do we feel the need to make everyone feel good all of the time? Not everyone feels this, but I think it’s pretty prevalent. What would it be like for you if you were okay with someone not feeling okay? What if you were okay with someone not liking you? What if you just listened to others’ complaints, to your own complaints, and not try to fix it? What would that be like?

The next time someone is upset, or your upset, what if you decided you would just listen to their upset, or feel your own upset? What if you told yourself, “I don’t have to make it all better,”?

Thursday Thought: I’m Willing To Figure This Out No Matter What

On Monday, I asked you, “What problem are you trying to solve, and you just can’t seem to find the answer to? If you knew the answer, what would it be?” So you get your answer, and you try it out, but it doesn’t work. Then what do you do? Most of us give up. We have thoughts like, “I knew that wouldn’t work.” “I shouldn’t have tried.”  It’s like running a race, and just sitting down when we realize we’re not going to come in first. Life isn’t a race, but we do this with everything from problems our kids are going through, losing weight, any sort of goal we set.

What if you didn’t give up? What if you were willing to try again, every.single.time? What if you were willing to fail over and over again until you succeeded?

When there’s something you really want to do, try on the thought, “I’m willing to figure this out no matter what.”

Wanting Other People To Feel Better

When I was learning to speak Spanish, my trainer would correct me. every.single.time. That was her job right? One day I finally told her, “I want to learn Spanish. I want to know when I’m getting it wrong, but not all of the time. Sometimes I just want you to listen to my story.”

Can you relate? You know you have a problem, and you DO want to solve it, but sometimes you just want to talk about it. Sometimes you just want to complain about it. Sometimes you want to feel bad. You may not realize that you want to feel bad, because that’s crazy, right?? But we do. We WANT to feel all of the range of emotions. Talking about it can help us process the emotion, and understand the thoughts creating it.

However, sometimes we have a huge intolerance for negative emotion. We don’t even want other people to feel negative emotion. They’re crying and we say, “Don’t cry!” They’re mad and we say, “Don’t be mad!” We want to fix the “problem” that’s making them feel bad. We give advice so they can get over it.

We think we’re just trying to be kind and help them feel better, but what we’re saying is, “You’re feeling wrong.” What if they need to feel bad? What if the best thing for them is to feel a negative emotion? If we try to stop their pain instead of just listening to them talk about it, it could be like giving them a pain killer when something is really wrong. They won’t realize there’s something they need to pay attention to.

What if you were just there to help them feel their feelings instead of change them? What would that be like?

Let Your Ugly Out

It’s pretty eye-opening to just see what thoughts are going on in your head. Sometimes when you realize what they are you may feel shocked. It’s important in these times that you don’t try to push them down and “pretend” like you weren’t thinking them because of what someone might think if they knew.

When I’m coaching clients I let them know that there’s nothing they are thinking that would shock me. I understand that thoughts aren’t a part of us. They come and go. We think some pretty crazy things. Seriously! When something ugly comes out, realize you are not the first person to think that thought. It doesn’t mean anything about you. You can figuratively put it on a cloud and let it float away. You don’t need to give it any more time or space if you don’t want to.

Everyone needs a place to “let their ugly out”. It might be through journaling, coaching, counseling, or a trusted friend. But I encourage you to find a place to see what is going on in your mind, and love yourself anyway.

Thursday Thought: It’s Okay To Feel This Way

We receive messages everywhere telling us that we should always feel good. We can get the idea that it’s wrong to feel a certain way, or even that there’s something wrong with us to feel a certain. But the only reason we feel an emotion is because of a thought we’re having, and subconsciously or consciously we’re believing.

When I start to worry that there’s something wrong with me, or that I have done something wrong to feel the way I’m feeling, I like to remind myself: It’s okay to feel discouraged. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel judgmental. It’s not harmful. I can just feel it. It may not be a helpful emotion, which I can figure out later, but for now it’s okay to just process it. It doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong, or that there’s something wrong with me.

Breathe. Feel.

Thursday Thought: Maybe They’re Not Trying To Hurt Me

Mothers-in-law. Sisters-in-law. Husbands. Bosses. Co-workers. They’re so annoying, right? And they think they know more than you, right? And they’re always trying to prove you wrong, and they do everything wrong. And they think differently than you.

Have you ever thought, “Maybe they’re not trying to hurt me.”? or “Maybe they’re not trying to annoy me.”? or “Maybe they’re not trying to be idiotic.”? Seriously? But seriously. They may just be trying to do their best, and maybe it’s not very good, but it’s their best. Try it on. This one is super helpful.

The Genre Of Your Life

Who doesn’t love a good movie? We love it because we know it’s not real. Even when we kind of think it’s real, we know it’s not really real. I love movies based on true stories. The stories they’re based on are ones that seem to be tragic at some point, but then it resolves to something grand in the end, and you get to see how all of the parts fit together.

If you were in a movie right now, what genre would it be? Would the kids crying and screaming on the way out the door be a comedy or a tragedy? Would your husband looking on as you make dinner be a romance or a comedy? Change the genre of what’s happening in your life and see how your perspective changes. It’s only your thoughts that make it that way, anyway, so choose it the way you want to. This helps your brain to see that what you’re thinking about your life is what’s creating the feel of it. It’s not necessarily real that you’re in a tragedy; it could just as well be a comedy, or a romance.

Thursday Thought: No One Has Any Responsibility To See My Value

Working on confidence has been really eye-opening to me. I’ve realized that I have confident thoughts in different situations and around different people. It’s funny how I’ll mostly believe a confident thought, but then I want someone else to validate to me that it really is true. Like many people, I’ve turned to outside sources to validate that I’m of worth. There are a lot of marriage books that recommend that we validate our spouse. I used to show them to Steve, and painstakingly try to explain to him how to validate me. I thought if he validated me, then I would feel better. But it didn’t work. I’d accuse him of lying, of just saying what I told him to say! I don’t think it’s bad to validate your spouse, the problem comes when you NEED that validation, or you won’t believe your own thoughts about your worth.

I love the thought, “No one has any responsibility to see my value.” It’s so freeing!  It’s so nice to not be constantly trying to get others to see my value, but to let them see what they want to see and think what they want to think. If they see it, that’s great for them because they get to feel nice feelings. If they don’t, no problem, because I’m not waiting for them to validate it. I’m already doing that for myself.

Is this a good thought for you? Try it on and let me know.

I Can Help You With Your Problem!

I am back from coach training at The Life Coach School.  As part of my practicum to become a Certified Life and Weight Coach, I am offering 5 free sessions of coaching to anyone interested. What problems would you like coaching on? Do you want to lose weight? Do you have a relationship that you want to improve? Do you want more money? Do you want to get started on a goal that you keep putting off? I can help you with that! Go to my website emergingbravely.com and sign-up for some free coaching.