A client was having a hard time with her Mother-in-law. From her point of view, her MIL never remembered when she promised to watch the kids. When my client would give her MIL instructions on medications or screen time or other things she wanted the kids to have while they were with their grandma, her MIL seemed to always get it wrong. At first she made it mean her MIL was trying to mess things up, or she didn’t care about my client’s instructions. But deep down, she knew her MIL was doing her best, she just did things differently than my client. Her MIL was more of free spirit where my client was more organized and liked schedules and calendars. Can you relate?
My client wanted to feel love for her MIL and have her children get the medications and other things that were important to her when they were with their grandma. She decided to figure out what were the 2 or 3 most important things to her and then decided how she could help her MIL succeed. She decided she would write things down for her MIL instead of just telling her. And if that didn’t work, she would try something else, maybe brainstorm with her MIL. She would make it an experiment to see what helped her MIL be successful. Most of all, she wouldn’t make it mean that her MIL didn’t care about her.
Who in your life do you think wants to succeed at what you request of them, but get’s it wrong every.time.? How could you help them be successful? Don’t try and change them, just how could you make it easier for them? Do you need to clarify, write it down, be more willing to say your preference, be more encouraging?
Try the thought: I’m going to help her/him succeed with me.