So often we feel mad, resentful, or upset about things feeling hard. We have thoughts like, “If this is good for me, it should feel good.”
One example is exercising. When you first start exercising, it does take some commitment, because you don’t get an immediate effect. You’re not all of a sudden strong because you work out one day. You get a little stronger each time you work out. So sometimes it might be hard to exercise. But if we have thoughts like, “This shouldn’t be hard. This should be easier.” Then we’re piling the feeling of anger on top of the feeling of resistance from the thought, “This is hard.”
Another example is in relationships. Any long-term relationship is going to experience conflict or disagreement. You will have to figure it out with the other person. This doesn’t always feel great. But if you have the thought, “This shouldn’t be this hard.” You’re just piling on the feeling of resentment on top of the feeling of disappointment from the thought, “This is hard.”
Next time you find yourself thinking, “This shouldn’t be that hard.” Try changing that thought to, “It’s okay that this is hard.” Then, even though it’s hard, at least you’re not piling on extra negative emotion.
What other thoughts help you when things are hard?