Working on confidence has been really eye-opening to me. I’ve realized that I have confident thoughts in different situations and around different people. It’s funny how I’ll mostly believe a confident thought, but then I want someone else to validate to me that it really is true. Like many people, I’ve turned to outside sources to validate that I’m of worth. There are a lot of marriage books that recommend that we validate our spouse. I used to show them to Steve, and painstakingly try to explain to him how to validate me. I thought if he validated me, then I would feel better. But it didn’t work. I’d accuse him of lying, of just saying what I told him to say! I don’t think it’s bad to validate your spouse, the problem comes when you NEED that validation, or you won’t believe your own thoughts about your worth.
I love the thought, “No one has any responsibility to see my value.” It’s so freeing! It’s so nice to not be constantly trying to get others to see my value, but to let them see what they want to see and think what they want to think. If they see it, that’s great for them because they get to feel nice feelings. If they don’t, no problem, because I’m not waiting for them to validate it. I’m already doing that for myself.
Is this a good thought for you? Try it on and let me know.